Crazy, insane situation...who is at fault here? Please read....?!


Question: Crazy, insane situation...who is at fault here? Please read....?
I live with my parents and 7 younger siblings. My dad was raised in a culture where females did all the chores for him, so he's not used to following rules like picking up dishes, putting dirty clothes in the hamper, etc.

Well my mom raised me differently from my 7 younger siblings(my dad had a much bigger influence on them).

So I was raised to follow rules, be polite and respectful, considerate, organized, etc.

Anyway, these kids have always thrown their dishes in the middle of the floor, dirty clothes, toys, books, shoes, everything - all over the place. They will not close doors when they come in, won't turn off lights, won't pick up what they spill/break, etc. The house has been in complete chaos for the past few years because of this.

For years, I was ordered to clean up after them. I had to make their beds, pick up their plates, put their books and toys away, fold their clothes, and babysit for all of them, etc. Not a single one of them had to help me, even when they got older.

For years I begged my parents to make rules, make a chore chart, anything! But they wouldn't listen. They just kept saying, "you're the oldest, you don't even help enough!!" I thought I would just be a good, obedient kid, and continue cleaning for a while, and eventually they would make everyone help me. But the other kids were becoming preteens, and then teenagers, and it still didn't happen. I realized if things weren't changing then, they never would...
Well, finally, about a year and a half ago, I just refused to do it. I stopped cleaning up their messes...
My dad got extremely mad, and he still blames the messy house on me.

Even though I have to literally wade through clothes, dishes, and toys, I still follow common sense rules, like picking up my dishes, putting my dirty clothes in the washing machine, shoes off by the door, straightening up the kitchen when I'm done. But everyone continues to literally DESTROY the house. My mom tries to clean up, and she cleans 24/7 but it's still almost impossible to keep it clean because a bunch of people are messing up while only 1 or 2 are cleaning.

Who do you think is most to blame for this? Is this my fault at all?

Btw I am 20 and in college(moving out is not an option right now), and the other ages are: 19, 15, 14, 12, 11, 9 and 7.

Answers:

it is not your fault AT ALL.
that is your parents fault for not raising them right.
you were raised to clean and to be helpful (which will help you succeed greatly in life)
while your sibilings are trashing the house and don't know how to do anything when they get out into the real world they will have NO clue how to do anything and then they will look back and think about how you always did everything and how they should have learned while they had the chance.

so no, it's not your fault but your parents.



It's not your fault at all, everyone should be expected to pitch in and its unfair to expect you to clean up after people who are plenty old enough to do it themselves. If your parents won't help you I would try working on your siblings yourself. Point out how much your mother does for everyone, how they are for making more work for her etc. Hopefully this way you can at least encourage them to be a little tidier so less cleaning will be needed.




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