How to suggest to someone that they continue therapy without making them feel &q!


Question: How to suggest to someone that they continue therapy without making them feel "broken" or abnormal?
My best friend and I are extremely close and intimate (not sexual). We tell each other everything, cuddle together, and when necessary we cry on each others shoulders. I will mention that we are both gay, but I don't think that should necessarily have anything to do with my question.

In the last 6 months, his social anxiety has improved immensely. He used to be totally withdrawn, showing no emotion at all. We started out dating, but we became friends instead. He comes over my house at least 4x a week, and he lives 30min away.

One problem that he has is communication. If something is bothering him, especially something that I am doing, he's reluctant to tell me about it...Instead he puts up with it until the emotions surface as a fit of uncontrolled crying. It takes me lots of cuddling up to him, telling him how much I care about him etc. for him to even tell me what's wrong. Tonight was going well, until I made a comment about a bump on his forehead...It looked like a mosquito bite, anyway, he then started crying, and it took about 15min for him to tell me that he feels ugly. I assured him that he is NOT ugly, suggested ways he could improve his appearance if he wanted to (I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do).

Anyhow, I'm not a licensed therapist, and after he got crying about his looks, (he has some acne scars, and his hairline is beginning to recede and thin out (he's 27). He started crying again, and after prodding, encouraging, kissing his cheek, etc to make him feel better, he said it was because he didn't know whether or not to continue therapy because he thinks he can fix his problems on his own. Now, from my perspective, crying for nearly 30min about things like that means that he should definitely continue with his therapy, even if he finds a different therapist (The one he goes to is expensive). I offered my suggestion, he cried a little more, and then he went home to think about it.

I really don't know what to say to him. I want him to stay in therapy to work out his problems because I know he suffers from depression, and recently both of his grandparents passed away. From a logical standpoint, I would say now is not the time to stop therapy. I should also mention that I do know he has romantic feelings for me, but I don't share those same feelings. To me he is a best friend. I don't know how much that weighs into his problems.

What should I do? If I say that I think he should continue it, then I feel like he'll take that to mean I think he's "broken", and it will make him more depressed. What would you do in my situation?

Answers:

I agree that he needs the continued support of therapy. If he is seeing a psychiatrist, the doctor can prescribe something to help get through the stress and anxiety--and/or something for depression.
I would express to him that you are an important person and you care about him and it is painful to see him in such pain.
Suggesting help should not make him feel worse, especially if he knows your reasons!
Good luck.

25 years psychiatric healthcare




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