Whats up with me? and don't just say its due to hormones.?!


Question: Whats up with me? and don't just say its due to hormones.?
Im not seriously ill. In not depressed as far as I can tell. I keep getting told that I am intelligent and yet I am failing in all my subjects. I cant find anything im passionate about and I keep thinking about stuff... I used to write down all my weird thoughts in a book, but my mum found it and put an end to that. I am quite impressionable apparently. For instance I have self harmed after reading a fictional book on self harming. Also I have contemplated killing myself and the rest of my family. But yeah, I don't think reality exists, I think that it is just an excuse that humans use keep from going insane. I mean its inevitable... we are all going to die anyway whats the point in struggling.
I asked myself why I live. I replied with… I don’t know, but I’m too afraid to die.
I don't think that I warrant actual help as I am happy around my friends and family.
I do talk to myself but I don't hallucinate and I don't hear voices. Ive been told that this is common for teenagers, so im not worried. Also that there is no such thing as normal and I agree but there is a socially acceptable normality that humans have to live up to. But I tend to ignore. Im not violent and I have never had the courage or the will to harm anything or anyone.
My room is a fluffy toy paradise due to the fact that I think I would be seriously betraying them if I ever threw them out, and I cant stand the thought of them being treated badly by another child. Just the thought of someone touching them makes me shiver.
I can cry on a whim and I don't feel attached to anyone. I can convince myself that I like someone but I cant tell if its genuine.
I don't feel as though I have a personality of my own. I have just kinda adopted qualities from various friends.
Im not special, Im not super talented in any way and I don't like people talking to me about this stuff. I cant say it out loud so I put it here and let random strangers comment.
Like I said im not special. But I don't care! Im the one living on this ******* planet! Who gives a **** about me? Huh?
Well my mum does... and I guess my dad too... probably my little brother.
But if the opportunity ever came round, that I could disappear and run off somewhere on a journey of some kind, I would gladly leave this place behind me. Not really any second thoughts.
But thats just the kind of comment that would land me with, Jo! Snap back into reality, please!

Answers:

*Sigh*...the misshapen universe of youth. I was so much like you when I was in middle school/high school...I had strange thoughts, and developed fascination with the things that most people never wanted to think about. I wrote strange poetry,and often seperated myself from others. You probably were a VERY imaginative child, and now in your teenage years still tend to lean towards the more creative. Don't stop just because you don't think it is normal.

I am so sorry that your mother found your notebook. I had one too that I accidentally left in a library. some kids read it and I was sent to the guidance office because what 12 year old thinks about death in such a poetic way? I Did...I was lucky to be able to vocalize at a young age that it was just simply curious with the idea of death and found it interesting to write about. Find your voice and don't let anyone lable you as crazy. Everyone has a few insane thoughts, it is just you have a need to express them...

You obviously need that creative outlet to express, as I did...If you can't keep a journal/notebook secret, then try using something like LiveJournal or Tumbler online.

Be happy and healthy. Know that you are not alone, and that in a few years when you stop thinking and just BE you will find your purpose/meaning and life will play itself....until then enjoy the scenery.

Myself as an overly- creative youth, and innovative thinker



Yes, I can see through all your thoughts that you do seem very intelligent, and think 'outside of the box'.
You need to harness that energy, and find an outlet for all those many thoughts all going on in your mind! It's almost too much for a person of average intelligence to take in, lol. You will find something one day that WILL allow you to utilize the talent that you have, be it a job or a pastime that you can get totally lost in and that rocks your world. See, you have an invitation from another poster already! :)



So you think you'd be better off having a journey, eh? When I was 16 in 1976 I ran away from home. I got beat up by a man and was left on the streets with no money. It's not glamorous. Let me tell you, it is rough out there and I would imagine it is more so for someone your age (I can tell you are young) living in 2011. You have it made right now with your family. At no time in your life will it ever get easier, I'm afraid to say. Eventually you will leave and get a job or do something. Try and set some goals for yourself.
You are having these problems because you don't have Jesus Christ in your life. You would find your worth in God. He created us all and gives us the air we breathe. There is a higher purpose -- much more higher that you can imagine right now -- for us as people. Stick around and find out what it is. You could save someone's life one day. The thing about life is you never know what's around the corner, so hang in there.
You wanna have an adventure? Go volunteer somewhere. Get out and see some real people who are suffering. It will melt your heart.



Isn't the internet frustrating!

To me, you are the words on the screen, and may or may not have been written by a real person, or may have been made up by someone with an imagination totally different to the character being built up here. I dread seeing the words "95 points", since this means this is the only thing you have ever written here, and I cannot even begin to see or understand your history or the direction your being is going. It is like a snapshot of a pooh stick in a river, where even the flow of the river is not apparent. 95 points almost certainly means you, and no-one else will ever read my thoughts. They will go to the vote, and then be forgotten. I doubt you will ever read this. Sigh! All I can do is to save my ramblings before they are deleted by Yahoo.

Since the age of 8, I have had similar thoughts about whether I truly exist or whether I am just a few words on a screen made up by a deity with a sense of mischief. I'll never know, so the best I can do is to continue to follow my destiny and see it as an adventure, or a rather good book, badly written.

I am looking at two shelves of my grandmother's Welsh dresser full of cuddlies. The oldest, a moth-eaten Tony the Tiger, is as old as me. The youngest is a snake pen I bought in Adelaide airport upon departing Australia two days ago. My Aussie brother tells me I must never leave it lying around when in Oz for fear someone might one day mistake a real one for a pen. I was visiting and honouring my father.

I fell in love with a beautiful girl, a Catholic flute player with long long hair and a sweet smile, three graves down from where my father is buried, who took her own life at the age of 20. How I wish I was there for her when she was still alive, so instead of taking her life, she could have a companion beside her who loved her yet knew her demons well enough not to allow them to cut short the precious little time we have to explore the Earth, together or if fate dictates, apart.

I asked my father to ask her to send me someone like her, but still alive, who needs a companion like me. Can spirits in the unseen world beyond the grave possibly intervene here? I really do not know, and cannot ever know, but imagination is a wonderful thing sometimes, and the fantasy one sees in dreams carry more truths than our rational selves realise.

As for your studies, it seems you do need to go for a long walk. Getting an interest in something, anything, is like a writer's block. Like the watched kettle, or the lonely bachelor pining for a wife, yearning for it almost guarantees that it will never come. So my advice is to observe impassively instead, go for a trip and give thanks for whatever experience, good or bad, comes your way, and demands some level of response from you, which may require further learning to make the best of it. If something takes your fancy, or you feel the need to linger awhile, do not hold back, for this may be precisely what you have been seeking, except you will not know that. You could well miss it in a blase sense of boredom unless you are alert to all possibilities, and have the open mind to make some use of them.



If you are depressed and want some help
visit this website and some one will be instantly there to help

www.Depressionhelp.tk



i made it and its ran by volunteer :P

since i have just made it im still looking for some people to help me run the site so you can help too ofcourse after we help you :)
so we may not be avaiable 24/7 so check in every once in a while


come give it a try ill help you my self

we care

www.depressionhelp.tk




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