Could I Be Schizophrenic? (This is Long)?
I have a slightly off mental history, it started probably when I was about 12, and I am now 18. I started to feel sad a lot of the time at around 12 but I functioned normally, and didn't think much of it until I was 14 when I felt depressed majority of the time. When I was 13, I contemplated killing myself by throwing myself down a cement staircase so I'd hit my head and die, but ended up not doing it. Things got worse as I got older, around 14 I tried to "fall" off logs that were very high up so I could fall and in my head in the creek below and drown to death. From 14-16 I tried drowning myself, suffocating myself, and running infront of a car. None of those experiences led me into a hospital though. When I was 15 I started cutting myself (I haven't cut in over a year though) and I had to see a therapist when my parents found out. My therapist didn't know I was cutting myself a majority of the time I saw her which started in October 2008, and I stopped cutting on a normal basis in Feb 2009 because of my boyfriend, but then continued to again in August 2009. I was high stressed the beggining of the school year and overdosed on baby aspirin and tylenol, but I ended up living and feeling incredibly drowsy and high the next day. A week after that I overdosed on nyquil and dayquil and ended up being taken to the emergency room and then went to a short term mental facility for a week. A month later I was readmitted for cutting myself and stayed for two months. I was put on five different medications as mood stablizers and for anxiety all of which did not work out since I have a heart problem and I am very sensitive to medications. I did not cut myself, or attempt suicide from Nov 2009-Jun 2010 and I felt stressed but was coping well since I started college early and was glad to be out of high school. However, in June 2010, I attempted suicide, and can not recollect the events. I overdosed on medicines such as zoloft, abilify, geodon, and some others and somehow lived. I had an amnesic period, before attempting suicide that time I do not remember anything although the medicine never affected my memory. The doctors say I should be able to recollect why I tried to kill myself but I don't remember, but I do know my boyfriend and I got into a fight that day and then I went to a creek and overdosed and somehow managed to pull myself out of a fast current creek being completly out my mind. These "amnesic" episodes have happened before, in April 2009 (a year prior) I had three amnesic episodes in which I have no recollection of buy according to family and friends I said I was someone else, and could not remember my name, who I was or anything. Sometimes I would make up a new identity, other times I would stare blankly and started screaming hysterically if people approached me. This has happened a few times. There have also been times where I go through periods of dellusion. I convinced myself I was raped 5 times as a child for months (although I was NEVER raped) and told many friends and my therapist. Another time Iaccording to friends and I convinced myself I was pregnant. I have little recollection of these events, but my memory is fine other than that. Other times I have said things to people in deep intimate conversations that were manipulative, viel and evil that I would NEVER say, but they said I did and I have no reason to call them a liar. I also hear a voice in my head, and hear voices externally like thuds, and occasionally voices talking around me. It seems to have gotten worse when I turned 18 but I had heard voices in my head in the past. For the past two months I have also been seeing things such as a cat passing by, or someone in a car even though no one is there. I think why I don't remember those "amnesic" episodes is because they are too hard to since it's so embarssing to think I told people I was pregnant or I was raped, etc. I've been misdiagnosed as having PMDD, a mood disorder, atypical depression, and anxiety, none of which I have now. Any advice would be great. I am seeing my third psychiatrist soon but I haven;t seen a good psychiatrist that has helped me, and things only seem to get worse, although I am no longer depressed or suicidal, I'm always afraid what happened last summer could occur again (the attempting suicide with no recollection.) Please don't just call me insane :\ Thanks
You're not insane, but you have very complicated issues and we could not possibly give you any accurate assessment of a possible diagnosis.
Wait until you speak to your new psychiatrist. It will definitely take a few visits, but you will find out eventually.
I can relate to some of these issues, and am diagnosed with schizophrenia.
For females, onset in the mid-teens is rare, but possible.
I feel for you and if you have any questions about schizophrenia treatment, etc, email me through my profile.
I read all of this.
You need to seek professional help as this does seem like some schizo-spectrum disorder.
I am being honest here. I came on this site to pretend to be a sociopath. I really don't care about this question or you, but I feel awful typing this because of my conscience.
ALL PSCHIATRISTS ARE LIARS ALL PSCHIATRISTS ARE LIARS ALL PSCHIATRISTS ARE LIARS GOD..BLOW EM ALL OUT OF THE WATER ENOUGH OF YOUR CRUEL HANDIWORK GOD AND STOP UR DAMNED TYPING JESUS..LIFE SUCKS GOD....