how can i have the strength to end everything?!

I know you don`t want to hear it. Trust me, life is hard. I can tell you now, that if you killed or hurt yourself, I would be sad!! I don`t know you, But I know what your going through. I Do suggest you see your doctor or a counselor. At first I debated even answering this, because I don`t want to say something wrong and push you off the edge, But I have faith that you can ,make it through!! There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel, and Not Heavens light, Your young, I betch`ya your a really Hansom man With an AMAZING world ahead of you, and I know its tough, I know its hard because ``Bunk with`` I`M Going Through it. I suggest also maybe finding a friend or family member other then your father , to. A neighbor or even a trusted person, Just until the proper help is approached. I know how it is to be unable`to live by yourself, I do!! But Your not alone!! Please don`t harm yourself, I would seriously, cry!! I would feel incredibly awful if I said something to hurt you or push you, if so please disregard this message. Whether your religiouse or not, I`m praying for you, Please don`t do it!!

I am no proffecional, But I`ve delt with it long enough, Please PROMISE me, You won`t!! :( :`(

I`m Praying for ya love!!

Leave! You're 20 not 11. Stay in a nightshelter if you can't think of anywhere else, and talk to the people there. Complain to the police if you're being assaulted. And talk to someone in real life: not on the internet.

Is there anyway that you would be encouraged to seek out the services that a mental health professional would afford you?

You are in a great depression and the only treatment would be with that of a medical doctor who has been trained in the mental health field of medicine.

Please do not attempt to kill yourself. I am not saying that things are going to get better without the care that a medical doctor could provide. You need to be willing to try it to see if there is any improvement in how you feel about the world and everything else that is around you. You are going to need to be patient.

Results such as this may be long in coming, but they could also be just around the corner. One is never able to state just how long it will take to come to the point that you are able to have a better outlook on life.

I do hope that you take what I said above in the way it was meant to be.

im 15.. i have friends at school.. a girlfriend, parent problems. but i pretty much described a teenagers life. its alot more then that. problems that are simply just an everyday problem for anyone, i can be just depressed for weeks. im always depressed, i want it to be over, everyone at school would think about me, why they picked on the quiet kid. i want to be in the afterlife, just.. listening to what they are saying. i want to know what would happen, what they would say if i died. its not that my life isnt bad. but i dont see it going anywhere. ****, if i flunked 8th grade that would take the last of my happiness, if theres any left.. and i would end it. but how? idk how. a painless death is the one set for us. im too scared to end it. but that last string of joy is about to ****** tear.

...

Killing oneself isn't strong, it's admitting that one has given up. You are still here, so I don't think you have given up, though maybe you want to. But remember that there's a difference between giving up and wanting to give up. No matter how hard it's gotten, you've kept going. And while that might not seem like much it's still something that shows that you are not weak. How about this: instead of saying you don't 'have to strength to end everything', how about saying that so far you've been strong enough to keep going? Does that sound better? I know that's not going to make everything alright, but it's something - it proves you can stand up and call yourself a man, because you're facing demons everyday and you're winning. As long as you are alive you are winning.

So you're still here, and I think that means that really you want to go on but you're not sure if you can make it, if it won't be too hard, it this is going to go on forever the same way. I've been in a very similar place. And it got better. It's wasn't easy, but it can be done. The first step is to realize that it is possible. I know you probably don't think so, but it is. But you have to take responsibility for it. You are correct that you can't control anything around you, but you can control you! It takes courage to accept that responsibility, but you have courage, we've shown that - because you've faced all this sh*t through your life and you are still living. There is nothing they can do to you that you haven't faced down already.

You obviously know your own situation best, but the first thing I suggest you do is: Get out of that house, get away from your father. Maybe you can't do it right away, but start working towards it - save some money, or whatever practical things you need to do. I suspect all these labels you put on yourself - "weak", "coward", "pussy" - come from him. Right? Time to throw them away. Yes, I know they're probably deeply embedded in your mind, but really they're only labels, and they come from someone else. And does he sound like someone you'd respect, someone who's opinion you'd value, if you just met him on the street? No! So now get rid of his labels and start defining yourself in your own terms. You don't have to make everything "sunshine-and-roses" right away - we both know it doesn't work like that - but you can allow yourself to believe that you are a much better person than you claim you are, and you can have a much better life than you might feel is possible right now. You've already survived more than many people could imagine, and you're still on your feet - and that's a strength that can carry you a long way in life, if you trust it in yourself.