I'm fine on the surface but deep down I hate myself please help me?!

I try to be okay and neutral most of the time but sometimes I break down and cry because I feel so inferior to others, ugly, dull, slow and insecure.

There's one person who's nice and friendly and I have feelings for him but he's keeps talking to some other girl who's happier and 'weirder' than me. I feel like I'm too nice and polite and 'normal' which is boring. I can be more confident but I'm usually like that around people I trust and know.
He keeps smiling around her and I imagine if anyone would smile because of me.

I don't have many people to express my feelings to do. How do I make myself feel better permanently?