I'm losing it. I'm afraid I'm going to fall rock bottom again :&#!


Question: I'm losing it. I'm afraid I'm going to fall rock bottom again :'/ *long*?
Hello I'm 15 years old. I have social anxiety disorder and really low self esteem. I'm really afraid I'm might fall back to depression again for a 3rd time that I'm crying. Im already started to get a bit depressed. I have alot of stress on already to deal with. My panic attacks have been quiet for a while but I did feel another one *ALMOST* come on in algebra last week. Whenever someone laughs or stares I automatically think it's about me. I know that its possible it might be about something else but I can't help it. I'm very weak inside right now. In 7th I was bullied for the first time ever. I got sooo depressed that I thought about suicide almost everyday. I never told my parents or friends about it which was bad because I kept it all in and let it all out at night. Yeah, I cried myself to sleep :(
In 8th grade I wasn't bullied anymore and I gain all of my confidence again. I had tons of friends that year and I was popular. This year the bullying returned and rumors spread about me. I don't know why the people who spread those rumors about me did that. I don't know why they hate me and want to make me suffer like 7th grade again. Im not thinking about suicide again but I'm afraid I will if I do fall back into depression. People stared at me for about all of first semester and I don't know why. None of my friends would tell me what the rumors were about because they didn't want to see me hurt so I assume whatever spread was really horrible which only made want to know more. People still stare and I know my reputation will take forever to recover. But now im paranoid that maybe it's my appearance. I h
I'm going to stop here because it's already long and it's hard to keep writing.
Btw I haven't told my family and I CAN'T because I know they're going to judge me about it :'/
I have no one to trust. At all. I can't just talk to a complete stranger because I don't know who they are and they'd just judge me also..
If you read all this thank you.

Answers:

If people continue to stare at you just confront them, then they will have either no choice to tell you or they might make fun of you even more. If you really want to know what the rumors are about then confront your friends they should have told you no matter how bad it is, that is what my friends would do for me and that is what i would do for them. Just write down everything that is going on and keeping a journal is a good way of releasing stress and anger. Also reading seems to be good for me a lot of the time, because it feels like you are escaping from your life and going into the book, it has really worked for me. I know you don't want to talk to a complete stranger but I am here for you and you can trust me. I won't judge you for that would be kinda judging myself. I too have difficulties with rumors and friends. I am here to listen if you need a helping hand I promise. Hope everything works out!!!




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