How can I help my friend? Please help?!!?!


Question: How can I help my friend? Please help?!!?
A few weeks ago, me and my friend were telling each other secrets. I told her I was gay and she told me that she self-harmed. I know what it's like since I've been through it but she's been doing it for almost a year. Since then, it's never came up in conversation and I want to help her. I told her if she ever felt depressed she could tell me and she said okay, but she hasn't told me anything and I know she's still doing it. I don't want her to get addicted or carry on without her telling anybody but I reaallllyyy don't want to lose her as a friend as I said I wouldn't tell anybody and so did she. I know she won't get help herself because she doesn't want to be classed as emo. How can I help her?

Answers:

Since you have been through this, you understand the compulsion and the need to "self-medicate" by self-inflicting. You have moved beyond it. Sound like she hasn't, or has no idea how to stop since it's a real coping mechanism for her. You understand how this helps her keep her emotions in check.

You know, this is her choice, but you can help her change directions. It's not going to be with condemning or criticism. It is going to be with deep friendship and understanding. Yes, you are worried about her, but listen, she is on this path right now, and sometimes it takes a long time to work through. You got through it quick, it sounds. And it sounds like she can't find her way through.

My advice is to not push it at all. She will implode, curl under and not talk about it. Be the very best friend you can. Mention it only once in a while, and make it light. For example, "Hey, have you cut lately? Because I thought about that the other day. Can we talk about it?"

Just get the conversation going and let her talk. Don't interrupt other than to clarify something or to nod or laugh. Reach out and touch her hand if she is able to let go and show emotion. Always have that friend shoulder available. She needs to talk, just as you have in the past. I don't think she has anyone she trusts. If there is just one person in your life you trust and feel safe with over a long period of time, you can get through just about anything.

Be there. Seek her out. Be an awesome friend. The fact that you brought this up shows you care.



Tell her that hurting herself won't help anything and that you'll always be there for her. Keep a close eye on her at all times. Hopefully she'll realize that you want her to stop because you care for her. And even if she stops being friends with you, still be there for her. She doesn't deserve the pain she's giving herself.



Tell her she could end up hurting herself badly if she doesnt stop...and tell her how the scars will never go away from hurting herself...does she really want to live with tons of scars if she continues? Hope this helps! :)



From what I understand emos cut for attention. If she didn't tell you before then I would say she's not emo. Make sure she understands the definition of emo. Take it gently with her and don't push it or she'll leave and refuse to talk about it. Let her know you care about her. She may or may not tell you anything so you might have to bring it up yourself. Provide support. It's that easy. People whe self-harm don't always want help and you should try to help her yourself first before going to someone because that could mess up the freindship.




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