Is it normal to fall in love with your attacker or someone you view in that way?!


Question: Is it normal to fall in love with your attacker or someone you view in that way?
I can't afford to see a psychiatrist. What can I do to get over thi?

A few years ago I was working in a remote place and it was very dangerous. I was the only woman there and one of the men was sexually harassing me. I called my supervisor and told him and he ignored me. The harassment continued and I told him again and then he ignored me again. Finally the guy sexually assaulted me and when i told the supervisor this time, I was so distressed and upset and he said he would tell the big bosses, but he never did. When I got back to the city office he said nothing and pretended it never happened.

After the event I suddenly became really obsessively "in love" with this supervisor who didn't care about me. I never cared for him before, but suddenly I was professing my love to him for a whole year and sending him many letters of love each day. I thought he was the love of my life and he kept rejecting me. I hate him for how he didn't protect me, but I also am desperately in love with him. It's so confusing.

When I look back I think maybe I was trying to win the affection of this man who caused me great pain. What do you think? I have heard about falling in love with your attacker before, but what about this?

Answers:

Some people are so oppressed that they act just the opposite when someone oppresses them. We see this in countries with dictators, and oppressive governments and unprotected people. Some of them act the way you did. It is called 'stockholm syndrome' and it is also what you have described in trying to win him over. It is also called 'traumatic bonding'.
I wouldn't call it 'love' though.
Think about that. This man has been completely unprotective until you became very injured, and that would terrorize anyone. He sounds like a sociopath, and like he doesn't care at all. Cold.
Love doesn't flourish in that environment. He has treated you very badly.
It is a similar situation when someone is involved in domestic violence.
Their feelings are also confused, and they are in denial, about how and who the other person really is.
Here is a quiz you can take about either of them , or anyone you question has your best interest in mind. mosaicmethod.com
If you live in the usa, you have grounds for a police report to be made, and to file a law suit.
You deserve to get counseling to understand what happened better and how to handle your situation.
I think you have a pretty good idea why you suddenly felt the way you did.
Now you probably feel the humilation and the pain of being sexually assualted , with no support at work.
They are not going to care. They can be held accountable.
I think you should seek out some real help and support ., and healing.
NCADV.org eftmastersworldwide.com bestlawyers.com

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Hello ,

This is NOT real love , I am sorry . Your attacker and your supervisor are both involved in the sexual assault and they both remain to be guilty and responsible for what happened to you .
On the other hand , I believe that your supervisor is perhaps is as guilty as your attacker and is NOT worthy of your love at all .

You have two choices here ( if I were in your shoes ) , either to quit working in that place and find another job with more caring and honest people , or to try to concentrate on your current job and forget about this coward supervisor for good .

One last thing , is it possible for you to inform the police about the sexual assault ? Why didn't you do something about it ? It is your right , isn't it ?!

Take care.



im not sure but it sounds like this may be a sign of masochism. try testing it by thinking of him and what he did to you, search deep down and see if you indeed liked the pain and/or would do it again for him. masochism is a disorder that makes you sometimes want pain (mental and physical), maybe when you are ashamed or scared or regretful you would rather some one just beat you up or be mean to you. just think about it and see if maybe you can get some info on it, otherwise i think maybe stockholm syndrome may also be at fault... just look into this stuff with an open mind, it may help your life allot.

and also, you should definitely stay away from this guy, hes no good for you and never will be. you can get a good relationship that satisfies these needs if you have a guy who truly understands and preferably dislikes this about you but is caring for you and willing to help.

i am a masochist



I don't know a ton about it, but try looking up "Stockholm Syndrome" - that's what they say happens when people who are kidnapped stop trying to escape and have feelings for their captors.

Also, the should be a Mental Health Association or something like that near you that can get you materials, refer you to free clinics and link you with support groups for people with similar problems. You'd be surprised the resourses available if you know where to look.




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