what counters apathy?!

I think a little bit of cognitive-behavioral therapy might go a long way for you. But some medication might also help. You need something that potentiates dopamine and/or norepinephrine. The following are a few examples.

Bupropion:
Potentiates both dopamine and norepinephrine. This is an effective antidepressant; also used for ADHD, smoking, and for weight loss.

Concerta:
Contains methylphenidate, a stimulant medication. Used for ADHD.

Vyvanse:
Another stimulant. Effective for up to 12 hours with one capsule.

Vivactil:
Another antidepressant. It's very energizing and also improves cognitive function. Besides depression, it's also used for ADHD and narcolepsy.

Strattera:
It's in the antidepressant class, though not approved for depression. Non-stimulant. Indicated for ADHD.

Provigil:
Mechanism of action is unknown, but doesn't work like other stimulants. Used for treating narcolepsy, and sleepiness and fatigue in other conditions.

There's no reason you couldn't use more than one of these together. For example, some people do very well on Strattera and Provigil together. In any case, you need to be seen by a professional first. Get a good evaluation from a psychiatrist. They can prescribe you the medication you need, and also get you in touch with a good therapist.

millions of people feel this way. smoke less pot. start seeing a therapist, maybe get started on some antidepressants. find some support groups online....its alot of people with the same problem, talking about it and sharing experiences. get a book that will inspire you. for instance, when i was at my worst, my dermatillomania consumed my life. i felt alone, and worthless, and hated myself because i was the one that did it, and i still couldnt keep myself from doing it again. I managed to find a facebook page created by a young woman who had the same struggle. it was an entire community of people that knew exactly how i felt and could talk about it without being judged. The facebook page was actually for her book....she published her diary of her struggle. Reading the book, I felt like i was on the outside, listening to me have a conversation with me. I was constantly agreeing with the book out loud, and although it was definitely depressing, i felt justified. i wasnt a freak for feeling like that. someone else understood me. reading through the core of her battle was difficult, but enlightening. reading her recovery was incredible. because she was a real person,she had a real recovery. and it made it seem possible for the first time. not to say she magically wooke up "normal" one day, and i dont expect to. but to see how she got to a peaceful place is something i cant describe. theres SO many books out there, im sure youll be able to find something. if not, you can have mine.

"Forever Marked: A Dermatillomania Diary"
By Angela Hartlin