Convince a sexually abused male to go to therapy?!
Question: Convince a sexually abused male to go to therapy?
A male I know was emotionally & sexually abused and molested between the ages of 5-14 by his father. Mother passed when he was younger, and has lived with his father since she died. Now he's in his late teens, and showed/told me the following:
-- Not want to be seen nude , or partially nude by either gender.
-- State that he's heterosexual, but in his words "desires a bond with a male because his father and him never had one". He's had only one relationship with a guy, but swears he isn't gay. I'm not criticizing him about whatever sexual orientation he might be.
-- Cycling between severe depression and severe aggression. Not sure if this is a result of the trauma or because he does drugs or both. He doesn't seem to want to take the initiative to get therapy.
He won't open up to me about anymore, as he gets extremely angry and distraught. He won't go into details and I'm not expecting him too, but he said the whole experience was extremely bad...his father has threatened him many times before, he's an alcoholic, and I think this prevents him from taking steps to open up and get help. Or even getting justice against his dad.
So I'm not sure what do in his case ... I'm not professional, and I don't want to get myself too involved. But he's either going to die from a drug overdose, or die from killing himself, ...hurting someone, I don't know but it leaves me worried.
What's the best way to convince him to get help :(?
Answers:
Explain to him that what happened when he was a kid was terrible and is not his fault. Have him understand that you are worried for him, and that despite the fact that he may believe that he's fine, no one can go through 9 years of sexual abuse as a child and be okay. The experiences he had as a child determine his behavior and actions later in life, and it is clear that the abuse he suffered as a boy has severely affected his life for the worse.
Going through that kind of abuse as a child warps one's feelings and the way they attach and bond with other people terribly. He may be in a form of denial, and by bringing it to the surface, he will think about it more and fail to hide the truth from himself.
Approach him in a friendly manner. Don't make it seem like you're criticizing him, talk in an agreeing and understanding tone while maintaining your point and your feelings of worry. If he realizes that you are genuinely concerned about him and that what you are saying is indeed true, he'll likely be more inclined to open up and even get help. He has to realize that he isn't going to get past the experience by bottling it up or coping with the effects of abuse by using drugs. And make sure that he knows that there is absolutely nothing wrong about seeking help for what happened to him, because he didn't choose for this to happen, and he deserves to be able to move on and feel happy and secure.
He doesn't want to get help because getting help is accepting that what happened is real. By being in denial, and refusing to get help, it's like it never happened. It's a sort of comfort zone thing. Talking about the problem or seeking help makes the sexual abuse real, and he doesn't want to believe it's real. But he needs to understand that he's only hurting himself more by pretending it never happened, and of course by excessive use and abuse of drugs.
I wish you luck.
Tell him that it isn't only for him, he is hurting everyone else around him.