Problems with younger siblings?!


Question: Problems with younger siblings?
Sorry for being lengthy, but I need your thoughts.

I am the oldest of three brothers. My brother ( the eldest of the three) is probably the complete opposite from me... He is not serious, is not carful with WHAT and WHERE he says, answers back without thinking- even to my parents, would make excuses for everything, and when people confront him and he can't face the facts he usually slams the door on that person or says " you want to fight?" usuing his atrocious voice, sadly he is almost turning 17. After he hit puberty he became rebellious against me and thinks everything I say or want to do for him is against of him... ( like when I suggested he think about certain colleges as apples to others and when I suggested a few summer programs he can do instead of playing sports all summer long)...then he tell my parents in FRONT of me that " your daughter influences you"... Then the other 2 younger brothers ( ages 12 and 8) hang out with him often, because I guess I may be boring and am busy with college work. However, I think that my almost 17 year old's brother's influence is getting to them... Like the other day I told the 12 year old to do something and he told me " you are not my parent to tell me what to do" which is what the 17 year old often says, and when i picked up the 8 year old from school today and he told one of his playmates that " you are an idiot", I confronted him later, saying that this is not how we speak, he told me " no one wants to listen to you, everyone hates you"... Which is again what the 17 year old usually says. At this point I am sick and tired of it all. I there is absolutely no respect in this house. Everything is out of control. Is this normal? I addressed this to my parents... That did not help. I do not know what else is left to do!!?????

Answers:

I think you are right about your perceptions. I doubt there is much you can do , except stop doing them any favors, like driving them places and the rest, and dont accept or reward their behavior and attitudes against you.
If your parents wont say anything with any clout, then it is something between you and the older boy.
At this age , he is experienced at 'hating' you , has decided a long time ago not to take orders or parenting from you and is seemingly dedicated to turning the younger ones against you also.
So stop. Stop being their parent, it isn't working. Stop driving them around,and being nice. Stop talking to them and stop rewarding bad behavior.
Stop.
Let them come to you , or not at all. Then if they do, have expectations and rewards for good behavior. Or they get nothing at all.
EVen if they out grow this, which is likely, you do not have to put up with this at all, and shouldn't.
If you need more support, find it, or find a mentor, role model, life coach, assertiveness therapist, or someones to befriend and get your support from.
Here are some therapists that can help you work out your feelings and dissolve them and build the positive pretty quickly eftmastersworldwide.com or a free self help version eftuniverse.com click on 'get started free'
Just stop. Change things up. Shock everyone. Stay UNpredictable. Don't take their crap.
Some day they will see what he is about and come back to you, likely. If not, you have not lost much in reality, just a dream of what might have been.
You may also consider that he is so insecure, and threatened and jealous of you that he really does have a great deal of resentment built up against you. Especially if you are being the parent and your parents are absentee. Also , not fair to you.
I guess family therapy is out of the question?
Focus on your studies and future, and support. You can't control others.

x



they hate you because chastise them and they resent it, besides being older your looked up to and they feel jealous of your status, let boys be boys and keep trying to set examples but in a gentler way, they already have two parents they don't need a third



tell your parents if your siblings are not going to show you any respect or listen to you in any way that you will not be able to continue looking after them


obviously you are not there parents but if you have to look after them
they ought to be showing you some kind of respect and if your parents know all this and are letting them get away with it that is an issue they ought to deal with otherwise they will grow up thinking its ok to talk to ppl in this manner which is not acceptable
all siblings argue that is normal but do they talk to ur parents like it as well?

id suggest a "family meeting "and ask your parents to lay down some ground rules and if they refuse then i would just let the kids get on with it and not look after them

best wishes




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