i dont know what to do?!

There's no reason for you to be worried. The Samaritan volunteers get emails, calls and text from people feeling suicidal ALL the time. I have a friend who is a Samaritan, and then they hear much more shocking things than someone saying they feel suicidal! That's what they are there for, the people will be doing it because they want to help people like you.

I know it can be embarrassing opening up with private details about your feelings to people but think of it this way-You're just an anonymous person to whoever reads the email. It's a waste of your energy worrying about it, you can't change it.

Perhaps you could see a counsellor again but before sessions write down the main points that you want to get across. Lots of people find things like that helpful with mental health appointments as your mind can go blank when you feel under pressure. It could really help you to benefit from counselling. Once you begin to open up the counsellor is trained to help you express things and guide you.

Also, by sending the email you didn't act on wanting to kill yourself so it's a positive thing!

You did the right thing. Please listen to what they say and act on what they tell you. They can really help.