Lifetime of trauma :/?!


Question: Lifetime of trauma :/?
Ok...every since I can remember my mom has always had a low life boyfriend that disrespects her and keep her from succeeding...some examples...
1.) She was married to a man with multiple personality disorders...who one time when I was in second grade...he snapped threw knives at her...and I was in my room listening, scared, not knowing what happened until the next day. ***This has traumatized me greatly***
2.)She dated a druggie when I was in the 6-7th grade...and they always fought one time he threw everything off the dressers in her room including the VCR...it looked like a F5 tornado went through it..you seriously couldn't even see the floor...it took her the whole day while I was at school to clean it up...she never bought groceries...I had to steal money from her purse to get lunch at school...at the end of this I lost my brother in a car wreck. ***This traumatized me too.*** The bad part is I tell my mom that this guy is bad news and I don't like being around him and she defended him.
...The summer after i finished 7th grade I decided to move to my dads 5 or so hrs away....thinking it would be better....WRONG...he is a full blown alcoholic...Blared music on full blast *no exaggeration* when I had school the next Morning...He always said hurtful things to me...one example would be that I killed my brother...that I (along with my mom)...put the cop up to running into my bothers car...ummm NO...I was in bed and had no Idea where he was that night b/c he didn't tell me...I remember three things from that day/night that i will never forget...1.) Right before he left he said death was the easy way out and people shouldn't take the easy way out...2.) I remember for some odd reason nagging my mom for not keeping up with where he was going...she didn't know where he went either (I never did that before) 3.) Right before he left I asked where he was going and If I could go...his reply "No...and Its none of your business...*I am surprised I graduated living with my alcoholic dad...then after I graduated I moved in with my aunt, uncle, and cousin for 2 years...which wasn't good either...they chained smoked a lot and barely bought groceries...now I'm living with my cousin who doesn't help me do anything...no dishes, no helping to pay rent...and says the reason is because I owe for staying with his mom/dad for 2 years after I graduated. He always tells me don't know how to do stuff. Pretty much that I'm dumb...Yet I've been working to pay rent for a year and a half while he wasn't working. He insults me a lot...I tell him if you keep telling someone that can't do stuff...It will really make them think they can't...don't worry...I'm gonna move out soon :)!!!...I'm gonna go to college to be a substance abuse counselor and get my own apt w/ financial aid.
...Now I am 24 trying to mend my relationship with my mom, she is doing really good for her self...she is going to college...has an $18/hr full time LPN job...BUT...SURPRISE bad boyfriend again I honestly think he is using her for her money...he smokes pot (never smoked it my self, just know the smell from working at a cheap motel)...I smelt it when I came to visit her...he drinks whiskey and yells at her...again tell her, I don't want to be around that after living with my dad...and she defends her bf...I just don't get why if she likes all these other lowlifes, why didn't she just stay with my dad...She says she loves me and I am number one priority in her life...I for some reason think her bfs are, she always says what they do isn't wrong, and I'm wrong for having problems with them...and I am not jealous...If she had a decent bf I would be so happy for her...because of all this trauma...I do not trust people, I am VERY shy, I have trouble keeping a job, I am gonna try to go to college for substance abuse counseling.....because of these and moral reasons...I do not/ never have smoked, don't even like to be around it, don't/never have done drugs, and don't/never have drank. I really need a therapist, but can't afford one...Does anyone have any advice or encouraging words for me? have any of you been through similar situations, how did you handle it?

Answers:

people always go through tough times and talking about it always helps. maybe talk to a family therapist and get their opinions on how to fix things with your mom. maybe bring your mom in with you to talk to someone so she can see the damage she has done to you and how it has affected your life. stay strong xoxo




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