Why am i bothered by my oldest brothers existence?!
Question: Why am i bothered by my oldest brothers existence?
Answers:
Maybe the Celexa is starting to work, and that's why you're thinking about the source of your problems. At this point, you can't change your brother. If you don't want to take his calls, don't. You don't have to answer the phone when you suspect he is calling. I doubt that he'll change his behavior at this point. I have to wonder, though, why you have such strong feelings for him when you don't need him or want him around? Also, don't judge your junkie brother too harshly when you have your own problem with your compulsion to cut your own flesh. I imagine that most people would find cutting more baffling than simple drug addiction.
Look, just define some boundaries, quit complaining, and focus on your own life.
Just because you grew up in a toxic environment, does not mean you are condemned to endure it forever.
You are 20 years old. That is old enough to leave home, turn your back on the chaos and make your own life. Distance yourself from your family, work, get an education and create your own reality, free from drugs, intoxicants and excess drama.
Do not waste time regretting the childhood that was forced on you or letting the past bother you. Live each day as it comes and be open to the possibilities your life will offer.
Good luck!