I think I'm just lost right now?!

I think I'm just lost right now?

So, yes...you can go ahead and say I'm being attention-seeking and I'll even admit to it...but for the moment that seems like a much better idea than what I usually do. So, please be patient and no one made you click on this button anyway.

Nights recently have been horrible for me. I can't/won't sleep, and I get these crazy worried restless feelings. It would be a great time to talk with someone, but everyone's asleep. I see a psychiatrist, but I refuse to call her in the middle of the night. That could become very awkward for both of us, especially since I don't even really have something particular to say.

I worry about the future. I worry about my friends. I worry about my job, and whether or not I'll go back to college this fall. I cut myself sometimes, but for the moment I'm really trying to find something ELSE to do...so call me a nut but I'm vying for attention here so I don't ******* self-injure tonight. I'm not asking you to convince me of anything...

2 days ago
...and there isn't really even a question. You can just get points for saying whatever comes to mind, and I'll occupy myself by reading your advice/stories/insults/whateve... Sound like a deal?

Trust me, it's a good idea for a time like this. Annoying, maybe...but forgive me. I feel like I've had about twelve cups of coffee today, I've been angry, sad, exhausted, euphoric....the moods circulate all day. I never know how I'm going to feel. It gets tiring. And, it's really hard sometimes to be logical and emotionally self-sufficient. I need....like a 24/7 shrink or something. God or something like it would be nice, but as much as I'd like to believe I have the most horrible time actually convincing myself of something so amazing.

2 days ago
puppetmaster:
Yes I do. Whatever's wrong with me has my brain racing tracks around itself. And, it's all probably very boring, but I would chatter with myself anyway...so why not type? I think I'm probably a bit manic.

Boy, Have I been where you are-and I have endured it for most of my life and I am now 47 years old. I have self cut, thought I was crazy, was so depressed I couldn't see anything worth living for, felt like the world was out to get me and didn't understand me, felt abandoned, was abused, abused myself, couldn't think straight, had a lot of hate, had a lot of sadness, had a lot of self pity, had so much fear that I could not find any safe place to hide, couldn't sleep because I had to keep my mind busy so that I didn't think about all the "craziness" in my mind that I could not find answers to; couldn't stop the thoughts, was extremely exhausted but wired at the same time, etc. I slept during the day and stayed up all night because for some reason, I wanted to be alone-yet I wanted to be loved and accepted and I wanted to "fit in." I know what you are going through. I can help-even if it is just to listen. Email me at Badpesta@yahoo.com. My name is Kelly. It is nice to meet you.