Why does life have to be so hard and depressing?!

Why does life have to be so hard and depressing?

I just don't know what to do anymore.. I have no more options.

A little about me: I am bi-polar and I have suffered major depression since I was 12. I have been to counselors and psychiatrists, and have lost all trust in them. Lost it all. I have been on cymbalta and zoloft previously and none of them have helped. None! I feel like I only have one option left but I promised someone that I wouldnt do what my last option is. I don't know whether to break the promise or keep it or what. With all that I have been through I really don't know what to do.

Things I have been through: 1. Physically Abused all my life 2. bi-polar and major depression age 12 3. Mental Hospitals(6) ages 12-15 4. Raped 01/12/07 5. Lost my unborn baby 07/06/07 6.Haven't been able to eat since 07/06/07(not on purpose) My body really wont let me. 7. Everytime I drink water I throw up blood, and my doc just diagnosed me with anorexia again.

1 day ago
I have self mutilated myself since I was 12 and I want so much to hurt myself right now, I just don't want to break my promise to the only friend that I have and risk losing her.

I am just suffering from depression so bad right now that I really can't take it anymore. My body feels numb and not there. Its like I have no feeling in my body its weird. I don't know what to do.

I am no psychologist but all I can tell you is when I'm feeling down I go by a saying: Live through this and you won't look back. I think you need to evaluate yourself and completely change how you are living your life. Only you can make the changes in life that will help you. Just don't give up hope...good things happen to those who wait.