Why does life have to be so hard and depressing?!

Why does life have to be so hard and depressing?

I just don't know what to do anymore.. I have no more options.

A little about me: I am bi-polar and I have suffered major depression since I was 12. I have been to counselors and psychiatrists, and have lost all trust in them. Lost it all. I have been on cymbalta and zoloft previously and none of them have helped. None! I feel like I only have one option left but I promised someone that I wouldnt do what my last option is. I don't know whether to break the promise or keep it or what. With all that I have been through I really don't know what to do.

Things I have been through: 1. Physically Abused all my life 2. bi-polar and major depression age 12 3. Mental Hospitals(6) ages 12-15 4. Raped 01/12/07 5. Lost my unborn baby 07/06/07 6.Haven't been able to eat since 07/06/07(not on purpose) My body really wont let me. 7. Everytime I drink water I throw up blood, and my doc just diagnosed me with anorexia again.

2 days ago
I have self mutilated myself since I was 12 and I want so much to hurt myself right now, I just don't want to break my promise to the only friend that I have and risk losing her.

it is all in the head, your brain governs your body and actions, whether or not you chose to endeavour to make your life better is completely and utterly in your hands. You have had a hard past, letting go of it is difficult, because the past makes you who you are today. The first thing you should do is help your body heal physically. Without food your brain cannot function. So take time to deal with that first. Once you are relatively healthy, take time to visit children in a hospital, children suffering from incurable diseases, children who cannot walk, who live on machines. Watch documentaries on people living in third world countries suffering from poverty and war, who struggle so much just to make ends meet, to find shelter for their children. All this will make you understand that very few people are living worry-free lives and that you have a chance to better yourself. Take up a hobby, perfect a skill, find something that will inspire you and motivate you to work hard to be the best you can be. I know you have had a hard past, but your experiences can either make you, or break you and remember whatever doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, be strong and push forward. The sun will shine in the end, you just have to believe it to see it.