Counseling help!?!

Counseling help!?

I cut myself, and I am seeing a counselor but I don't really want to stop. and I keep getting a little better, but coming to the same place I started. Today she told me she is sad for me. and wants me to think about what I/she can do differently, I'm not very good at telling how I feel, or what I'm feeling. I have a hard time talking. If I get to uncomfortable, I shut down. she's not pushing me really hard to stop cutting yet. but I honestly don't know how I can do to change or what to change.

3 days ago
my counselor is a therapist and I know that she really does care about me. the problem is me, she has pulled every therapy tool she can use and find more, and I still want to pull away from her. I just need to know what I can do. How can I open up, and not be so scared that she is going to tell my parents, I still want to cut. I do it out of anger, and it helps me calm down, or when I feel so alone, makes me feel like I'm a real person, or when I'm sick of crying myself to sleep, it helps me realize what I'm crying over is STUPID.

Fact is, you're getting something out of cutting. What's the payoff? Do you do it to de-stress? Find out WHY by looking at the WHEN. Look for the pattern...a pattern in your thinking that precedes the cutting, or a pattern in your feeling before the cutting. There MUST be a pattern, and finding THAT will start you to stop.
Sounds easy, but it may not be.
But you must be getting something out of it. You already know it is an unhealthy way to deal with (?) you'll need to replace it with a healthier reaction.