I know that I am depressed. What do I do?!

I know that I am depressed. What do I do?

I am depressed. I know that. I have tried to cut myself, and I ended up with 3 small cuts in my arm from a piece of grass because I couldn't stand a knife. I have attempted suicide, and of course, I didn't go through with it. I have a friend who was helping me through it, but after relasping a few times, he kinda lost hope in me. He still helps by telling me that he cares about me and that it would "kill" him if I died. But I'm not sure how much longer him telling me that will be able to keep me from doing it. I don't want to, but I am so easily hurt, that I go back to that so quickly. I was suicidal last year too, but I got over it. About half way through my past school year, I became suicidal again. Ever since than, I go back and forth from being "normal" and ok, to being depressed. I don't like being this way, and I know that it's not right for a 14 year old girl to feel this way, but I can't really help it. I know that I need help, but I can't talk to my parents

5 days ago
because I am afraid they will get mad and I don't think they will take it well.
How can I get help on my own, without letting my parents know? My mum is also depressed, but I do not believe that she is suicidal. Is this something that is genetic? And if so, is there anyway to cure me of it? I don't like this, I want help. I just don't know how to get it.

This might be a little long, but I promise I'm here to help you.

When I was going through middle and high school, like you, I was struggling with suicide. At one point, I had the point of a gun in my mouth... for some reason I couldn't bring myself to follow through. It's almost humanly impossible to explain why I couldn't. My problem stemmed off of how I seriously didn't have a single friend in the world. No one ever called me, I would go months at a time without saying a word to anyone at school. I said very little to anyone else, and at that, it was usually about something insignificant. Like you, I was afraid to talk to my parents. I knew that they would just say "oh you're being dramatic, grow up".... which wasn't the words I needed to hear. My parents never really took my problems seriously. And I couldn't talk to anyone else... because my problem was I didn't have any friends to talk about how I don't have any friends.

I don't know that you go to church. Maybe you do, maybe you view church as a bunch of weirdos.... or as hypocritical people (and I know... some churches are definitely like that, but not all). What I would want to ask you is that if you don't go to church, would you be willing to give that a chance? The thing is... that with Christianity, it's about hope. People say "it's foolish to believe what you can't see," but people believe in George Washington, who they have never seen. The truth behind genuine Christians is that we are everyday people just like you. We feel a lot of the same hurts, we go through the same traumatic life experiences, we don't live a life exempt from troubles. But we have hope. We have hope that it's not always going to be bad. We have hope because of the things that are promised to us. The odd thing is, that for those who truly have faith,everyhing works itself out.

I'm 22 now. My life has progressed tremendously from the time where I had seriously considered suicide. I have several different friends to talk to, I have a wonderful girlfriend who I know loves me just as much as I love her. Unless someone brings it up, I don't ever think about the way that I felt back then.

I don't want you to ever lose hope. I know there isn't a very good reason to have hope, I know you're going through a hard time, but you need to be strong for yourself. I look back at how bad it was for me, and I can honestly say that I'm glad that I didn't give up. Giving up would have cost me the joy that I have right now. Now that I've made it through that valley, I'm always eager to help someone else make it through. If you need someone to talk to to help you through, don't shy away from sending me a message. My email is mbible1utk@yahoo.com. I won't be all freaky and be like "hey, let's meet up behind a McDonalds" or anything like that, but I will do what I can to help you through this, okay?

Like I said earlier, if you haven't ever been to church really, give it a chance. If you have and it hasn't been working, it could be that you haven't found the right church for you.