Point in living?!

Point in living?

What is the point in living?

I don't wanna be splattered with that *Everything will get better* ****.

You could say I'm not a popular person. Quite the contrary. I had three friends that I could trust. The rest I didn't think I could talk to like normal.

In the past month I have lost 2 of these friends.

How?

As always. ALWAYS I have fucked up.

The first one I lost because... I just did. She hit a rough patch and started getting edgier. She knew I loved her and manipulated me. She threatened not to talk to me if I kept smoking. I stopped but nonetheless.

The other I just got into an arguement with tonight. Again I fucked up.

I always do. Saying or doing something stupid impulsively.

I dont choose to do things. Its not like I feel an urge to do them i just dont realise I do them.

But with a single trustworthy friend I barely speak to what point is there in life?

I just got stoned off my *** but leaning out my window so my parents dont catch me blazing is a pain in the ***.

6 days ago
Alas I have... One guy friend. We go to different schools now so I dont talk to him any more. We talk on AIM.

What I do wrong is I talk to much (I dont realize it no matter how hard I try.) Apparently I get annoying.

So without other people the only damn thing in this world ever to benefit from my existance, according to my parents, is a bunch of cows and a few dogs. (Im a vegetarian and I work at a vet hospital.)

Anyways, my Mom and Dad wanna get rid of me, Im an asshole unintentionally yo my little bros. I stress my mom out so much the acid rises in her stomach, damaged the lining of her esophogaus and now she is on the verge of cancer.

I used to be a huge asshole so at my new school I have the unhelpable reputation of being the weirdest most annoying and assholeish kid there. I used to go there but I am going back. Huh. Im finally a sophomore.

I dont see any reason to live to college. Im probably not good enough to make any of the colleges I want to go into veterinary practice.

I am so sorry. I don't know that you're a teenager but I'm assuming you are. It's a really tough time for a lot of people. Out of control hormones, out of control emotions, and not knowing what to do with any of it. You mentioned impulsivity as a problem. Did you know that the part of the brain that helps you deal with impulsivity doesn't fully develop until you're like 25 or so? (esp. in men) Some things that can help you focus so that you see the choices you have (rather than getting caught up in a hurricane of drama) are yoga, meditation, tai chi, chi kung, and a variety of breathing and relaxation exercises. These can help you examine your mind by sort of stepping back for a moment and seeing things in context. None of them work instantly - you have to really do whichever you chose every day. You only have to start with about 10 min/day and then slowly increase it to 30 or 45 min/day. Your life WILL change. (So does everything...)