I feel fat : /?!

I feel fat : /?

I have had low self esteem my whole life, and it has effected how I think of my body.. When I look in the mirror, all I see is a fat person, and I can feel it too. I don't know how though, everyone says I'm skinny or average or whatever, but I feel fat and overweight..I'm 14, 5'7" and i weigh 124, with a size 6 jeans, (medium struct.)I don't know how I can ever think good about myself feeling this way. I go for walks every day with my dog, lasting about 30-45 minutes. Doesn't really seem to help though lol just keeps my mind off of things for a while..I've thought about not eating. And I got past the whole belemic part. I used to do track in March though, and ended at the end of May, didn't really help me much though. I hated running but forced myself to do it lol, just so I could have the perfect body.. The one that has bones and pelvic bones sticking out. My parents don't really seem to care much. And we can't really afford a psyciatrist or a therapist or anything atm. Help? advice?

1 week ago
Sorry for the really long post lol

1 week ago
No im not anorexic. I mean, I do go days where I only eat about 300 cals, but nothing extreme, cause i overindulge the next day.

1 week ago
im just going through a faze? I've felt like this for over a year now.

Sounds to me like you are an average 14 year-old with something like what is called body dysmorphic disorder. This is where, despite what others tell you, you have some type of distorted image of what you look like. Here's a description from the Mayo Clinic:

"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with a real or imagined defect in your physical appearance.

People with body dysmorphic disorder have a distorted or exaggerated view of how they look and are obsessed with actual physical characteristics or perceived flaws, such as a certain facial feature or imperfections of the skin. They often think of themselves as ugly or disfigured. People with body dysmorphic disorder often have problems controlling negative thoughts about their appearance, even when reassured by others that they look fine and that the minor or perceived flaws aren't noticeable or excessive.

Treatment for body dysmorphic disorder may involve a combined approach involving medication and talk therapy (psychotherapy). Antidepressant medications used along with cognitive behavior therapy can help people with body dysmorphic disorder manage the obsession and anxiety about their appearance, increase confidence in how they look, and obtain normalcy in their social and work lives."

Hope that gives you a little insight...