Why do i feel like my lifes being controlled and monitored? like im not being al!

Why do i feel like my lifes being controlled and monitored? like im not being allowed to do whatever i want?

im a 30 year old borderline personality sufferer, ive survived alot of trauma, victimisation & abuse in my life. people have screwed me up alot throughout my life......ive never achieved anything i want, relashionship wise, never had a girlfriend, never worked....im waiting for therapy.....my ultimate goal & ambition is to emigrate to austrailia, canada or usa......but alot of people say i wont be able to do this, or i cant do it..

basically i feel my lifes being controlled & manipulated, others are making decisions on what i can & cannot do.
like what girl i can have......when i can have her......im being prevented from emigrating to them chosen destinations....basically that oppurtunities for me in life have been ruined by other people..
can anyone see a way around me feeling like this? or me feeling though my lifes being controled and im being stopped from achieving what i want? i desperatly dont wanna stay in britain,& will terminate myself if they tell me i cant & that i cant

1 week ago
fullfill my dreams...i wont accept it

Nobody else is controlling you, in fact, nobody else gives a damn about what you do or where you do. They really do not care one bit and are not preventing you from doing anything. You have convinced yourself for some reason that any problems you think you have are caused by other people, but they are not. All of your problems are caused by YOU and no one else. You have screwed yourself up, so stop blaming other people. You have not achieved anything because you have no goals (other than escaping to someplace else.) and no one is making decisions about what you can or cannot do. Don't listen to other people when they say you can't do this or you can't do that, it's all rubbish. You can do whatever you want but the problem is you don't want to do anything except blame other people. You need some sort of a job and some sense of purpose. Right now you level of ambition is about on a par with a ground slug and you have to get over that. Decide what you want and go do it, and give up on all the excuses as to why you can't do anything.

One other thing, if you think you can escape your perceived problems by running off to Australia, Canada, the US, or any other place, forget about it. All you will do is take all your issues and baggage with you, and you will be just as miserable there are you are where you are right now. So forget that. If you won't make a go of it where you are you will not make a go of it if you move over ten feet or ten thousand miles, so forget that idea.

I probably need therapy too, but screw them, because they are at least as messed up as I am, probably more so, and as far as I am concerned they can all go pound salt. I don't give a damn what anybody else says or does; they can all go chase themselves as far as I'm concerned.