Why should I live?!

Why should I live?

When I was teenager, I loved life.
I had many dreams, and I thought I was going to have a great life.
But my life was a complete disappointment.
Nothing went the way I wanted.
I seem to attract disaster.
I didn't manage to fulfill any of my dreams.
I don't have a family. I don't have any job.
I live in a small town, and everybody knows about my life, which deepens my pain.
Some people even mock me
There is nothing worthwhile for me to live.
I have had severe depressions sometimes, and I started to develop suicidal thoughts 15 months ago.
I've been very close to commit suicide twice, and the reason why I didn't go forward was because of my mother.
I started to picture the next morning, when my mother would come in my room, and realize I was dead.
So, I decided to postpone my death, until she dies.
But honestly, I don't think I can handle it for so long.
I know that the happiest day of my life will be the day I die.
On that day, nothing will no longer have any importance

1 week ago
It won't matter what dreams I had.
Because my life had come to its end.

You should live because you have been given the chance to live and the chance to get your life right with God. You will have to know that while things did not turn out the way you exspected , then you have to carry on anyway. Those people in your town will not matter ten years from now or even two years from now. Who cares what they think anyway. Can you change the way they are? Can you change yourself? You can to some degree. Go fight for your life. Get on the right medications and maybe get on a good antidepressant. A good one is Cymbalta if you can take it anyway. Those people in your town have to pick on someone because that is what nosy no good for nothing people that have nothing else to do but to try to finish someone off that has it hard enough already. don't let those people bother you. Move on and change yourself. Get up when you go out in public and clean up very nice, look good and keep a good out look on things. You may be wrong about some of those people in your town and then you may be right about the other half. So what you do is.... Just always remember to treat others as you would want to be treated. Stay away from all people who drink and do drugs. These people are no good. They will make you look stupid because they want to divert the attention off of thier own stupid selfs. So natually they will try to make you the center of the talk. So what. Move on and get on with living, instead of dying! Put a smile on your face even when you don't feel like standing up in public. Keep your self clean and start totry to like these people a bit. I bet when you show these people that you are doing something for yourself then they will start to look at you in a whole new light. There may always be some bad apple in your life. Stay away from those type people. And do not allow thier oppinion of you to matter one bit! In the end it is Gods oppinion that matters most and then it is your Families oppinion that matters. Thats is who you will have left.
You never tell anyone are you on disability or what? I take it that you are. Try to make the best of your life no matter what your circumstances are. I know it's easy to tell you this and I so mean well. I just want you to know that you can make it through the hard times. You will see a light at the end of the tunnel some day. God never leaves you when you are having it hard. He may allow you to gfo through some hard times and allow some poeple to make you feel like life is not worth living in your town, But sooner or later when you have had all you can take. God will step in and he will send better things your way. You sound like you are a young person. Everything gets better with age. It is the truth and even lifes hardships seem less bothersome for whatever reason this is. Maybe by the time you are older you can deal with things better or maybe you just don't care as much what everyone thinks of you. No matter the situation everyone has it hard. It's not just you that has it hard. Thier are so many people in this world who might have the same feelings as you and God knows this to because he knows everything. Talk to God and ask him what you are to do. Then sit back and the answer will come to you. In the meantime e-mail me and I will give you a place on-line that you can work and feel a little better about you! How is that. Ok well everything wqill be better. Always remember that god tells us in the Bible that it will not be easy to live on this earth. But God does tell us to fight the good fight. So don't drink alcohol, don't smoke for sure, don't hate someone just because they hate you, try to be good to your enemies and smile even when you feel like you wanna throw up, keep on keepin on, Make it a point to be a good person and be good to people. Don't assume that everyone is out to get you, stay away from the popele that seem to try to hurt you and staznd up for yourself in a positive way. don't argue with anyone, it gets you nowhere and does not help the situation even if you are in the right. State your case and walk away. Pretty much and if you have to start taking a few people to court. When bullies see that you are not going to take thier crap anymore then usually they start to back away from you, like cowering wild dogs! Remember that's who you have been dealing with, Cowering Wild Beast. They are beast of the Devil that come to Kill, steal and destroy. that is what satan comes to do and what do you think the people that are making you feel this way come to do as well. They are not good because if they had of been good then they would offer you a helping hand, instead when they see you down, they try to finish you off. Always be on the lookout for these kind of people. They are out there And they are vicious knowing that they have a short time left alone with satan. So place your invisable armor on you and keep on treading! As soon as you figure out you can make it then you will be ok. Now is all going to go well everyday? No way! Now are all people going to like you? Nope. Now are you going to feel good all the time. No Way! Now you may feel likme crap all the time but still you are alive and you have to live no matter if you like it or not@ So get up, clean up, fess up, and try as hard as you can to make your life worth living no matter where you are at! Good luck to you to. You will be ok! Being on disability is a blessing when you need it so do not feel so bad for if you really need it then you are ok my friend! Do not beat yourself up sp bad. This world will do that for you, so Always fight the good fight! And trat others the way you would want to be treated no matter how others treat you! You will start to see clearly what you sow you really do reap. God Bless you and you can do this!