Does anyone else hate feeling alive?!

Does anyone else hate feeling alive?

I have an eating disorder and one of the reasons I have it is this: When I don't eat my feelings go numb and so I cannot be hurt by other people. For example, if a guy liked me then I wouldn't fall for him since not eating stops a lot of ual attraction. That way, I won't be hurt and I can protect myself. Does anyone else feel like this? When I DO eat I am overwhelmed with pain and want to kill myself because I can't stand it. I know pain is part of life but I don't think anyone should have to withstand THIS much pain.

I'm in therapy and on medication right now so please no comments on that....

I've never heard of someone not eating to make themselves go numb...that is very interesting. I can see why you do it though, i cut myself to go numb, it is the same thing... while being numb is nice, you have to accept the fact that ppl are supposed to feel emotions, even if they do suck really bad. No one wants to feel bad, but sometimes (or alot of times) we have to. I dont think you have an eating disorder as much as you have a self abuse disorder, you are doing things to your body so that you dont have to feel. does ur therapist know why you dont eat? It is an addiction, and you can only stop when YOU want to, nobody else, only you can stop this. You need to learn how to deal with the pain, you cant not eat forever, you must face fact eventually. numbing the pain only makes it worse for when you feel it, i'd know....