Scared, starting to remember how it all happened, flashbacks, please help me if !

Scared, starting to remember how it all happened, flashbacks, please help me if you can?

2 years ago I was a meth addict, a junkie to be honest. I understand it hurts my credibility in all of your eyes, all I can say is that I am not telling a lie, I DO remember what happened to me, & I'm scared, & I don't know what to do? This story is much more involved, lasted 3 days & involved a drug acquaintance and her "fiance" at his house. Yes, I was loaded up on meth, but I was used to it, I did it every day, I was delusional, but this happend, I know it for a fact. These things were real and I cannot get them to go away, and I need help.I was drugged (while high on ice) with a black capsule, I had no choice he said I had to take it, she took my phone/car & never came back He took me to the woods where there were appx. 30 guys, nothing happened, he tormented me mentally,we were there for hrs. he someone kept shining bright lights, he kept taking photos, later he ? me 4 hrs @ personal things. He tried to make me believe I was 2 other people. kept me locked up for 2days, cont>

1 week ago
no food/water, I don't remember clearly but was in a trance 4 hrs. he kept saying things to me over&over, he asked if i had ever been abused, what my mtg. co. was, where my car was, what I had done wrong? other stuff too. I felt helpless and so scared. he yelled so loud at me, and then he was calm. he threatned to kill me, burn me if i didn't sit still. he brought me to my home. this experience involved these things i know for sure: blood (mine), fire, cameras, a black light, radio/cell phone communication constantly between him and someone else. i remember him saying "she will never remember any of this".he then made me smoke a very lg. amt. of a yellow liqud substance. told me i looked like a wh**e and to change before he brought me home. told me that i did not remember his name or address, that I better tell anyone who asked that I had done crack (I've never done crack) to NEVER to mention meth, and that I tried to kill myself, thus the blood.I ended up at the ER, then psych. hosp.

1 week ago
am not crazy, I know this sounds like a crazy person who tripped out too much, but I promise, I have been clean for 2 years completely clean, and I have had time to determine and separate the reality from the exaggerated delusions. I do thank God for the experience, it was frighting so frightning that I only associate using meth with that experience, I have no good memories of using . I see it for what it is. it got me into a very dangerous situation more than once, but this one was the one, the one where I should have died but thank god is the reason i am alive and clean. I just don't want this haunting me. I cannot tell you how long i have been needing to say this but haven't for fear of everyone just thinking that I'm crazy, I know that's what happens. These people have vast connections and I am afraid to involve police?? but maybe I'm just still so scared of them??if you think I'm crazy just don't comment, but if you have any help to offer I would be forever greatful. thank you.

I certainly don't think you are "crazy". When someone experiences this type of trauma it is very common for them to suffer PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is absolutely vital that you find a therapist that you can talk to about this experience. I understand your fear of these people and the possibility of retribution. A therapist will help you confront your fears, sort through them and put them into perspective so that you can deal with them. I always tell people that there is nothing better than the cathartic (cleansing) feeling of talking to a neutral professional about things that we lock up inside. That catharsis alone can make you stronger, able to face what happened and able to make decisions that will strengthen your ability to avoid reliving this terrible experience. best wishes