Stuck in a rut....anyone? Bueller? Bueller?!

Stuck in a rut....anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I have been stuck in a rut in my life for over 10 years.

It's only on the personal side, not the professional side.

Am I the only person on the planet that feels this way? I live in an apartment and won't buy a house because I have been waiting for my fiance to get settled so I can move there. I have put my life on hold for the duration of this settling period. He says he's settled now and I'm terrified to uproot the only stable things in my life, my family, my friends and my job for his possible instability. I have a hard time trusting even though I have no reason NOT to trust. I live in this tiny little shell with no husband, no children, no life...waiting for something to happen. Please don't tell me I need jesus, because I don't even know who he is. Also, I am smart, educated and 36 years old. I am very close with my family and I am sad all the time. What the heck is wrong with me? I know people just say take a step and move in a direction. But I cannot seem to

Everyone needs their own sense of stability so don't feel isolated with that issue. 2Bcont.....OK so you live in an apartment and hesitated on buying a house on the basis of a fiance getting settled so you could move there. Why? You could have purchased a house while accruing home equity cash plus he could have moved in with you instead. Putting ones life on hold is never a good idea under any circumstances. In a relationship each needs to maintain their own personality and desires or essentially their life no longer exists. You are you and must remember above all else that being who you are is tatamount to all other things in life with the sole exception of having children who become part of you and are integrated into your persona. Your apprehensions are most likely not unfounded even though you say there is no reason for you not to trust. Basically what I feel is you have for whatever reason put your own personal feelings, wants, and dreams into the hands of other for years. The underlying root of your depression is deep seated within your psyche and therefore is not at the forefront of daily life and less apparent. If you are not really sure of your feelings then I would suggest that you do absolutely nothing at all. Stay within your secure and stable world until you really feel you want to move on and of course move on not for any other reason except that you want to without any external influence or coercion. I feel you are being self pressured by either societal, peer or fiance expectations. Nothing is wrong with you. Read you heart and listen to your soul. You can't live for others. When you recognize and identify your inner self then the other parts of the puzzle will fall into place.