What do you do when someone severely wrongs you?!


Question:

What do you do when someone severely wrongs you?

Lately, I've been thinking about some past times where people have severely wronged me. By severely wronged, I mean cheated on, cheated out of money, had expensive or valuable possessions stolen, etc. Where people I trusted betrayed me or where people have done evil things just to make me suffer for whatever reason. I want to know how you guys handle it. What do you do? what should I do? How do I make it less painful? I don't know if I will ever get over them.


Answers:

I would get calm, peaceful and alert, then ask myself; What would happen if I just let these feelings go?

Some thoughts and feelings would probably come up, and then I would address them. I would try to treat them with kindness- experience them, accept them, but don't take them as the way you have to be. If the thought/feeling was "I can't let go of it, or somebody else will come along and do the same thing to me again!" then I would work on learning how to become a better judge of people, and learning how to protect myself- like assertiveness training.

If the thought was "How could they do this to ME?" I would first reassure myself that this kind of thing can happen to anybody. Just about everybody gets ripped off, cheated on, lied to or something awful at some point in their life. I would say "It doesn't mean I'm bad or stupid. It's not a personal thing- that other person was being a jackass. What matters is how I deal with my life now."

I would focus on now- how can I take care of myself now? What can I do to make my life better? Feeling better and more empowered now is what makes a difference in your life. That's the meaning of the saying- "The best revenge is a life well-lived."

If you're wanting revenge- "How can I let them get away with that?" ask on the deepest level- "How does holding on to these thoughts and feelings hurt the other person? Doesn't it really hurt me? How can I live my life fully now, and stop giving energy to that other person?"

You can even practice "dropping" the obsessive thoughts about what happened as they arise. I tried this with negative judgments of myself- every time I caught myself making one, I imagined putting the thought into a mason jar, holding it out and dropping it on the floor with a loud and pleasing crash. Strange, but after a while, it helped reduce the frequency of the thoughts, and I felt better. Psychologists say, make the images as vivid as possible for most effectiveness. You could imagine God or Karma taking awful revenge on the person, and you dusting off your hands, turning your back and walking away. Then drop it. Do this again every time you catch yourself having the thought.

If you still can let go and move on, seeing a good counselor could help. Good luck!




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