Okay...life, what am i supposed to do?!

Okay...life, what am i supposed to do?

i want to figure out life, i want to understand it completely, so i can become perfect.

i've been pondering this for 10 years now, and i've gotten absolutely no where. all this thinking has only brought me worry, stress, depression, and regret that i had to go through all this, and waste my life.

everywhere i go is another dead end, i keep struggling to finding the answer that will bring me perfection and eternal happiness. and even though i know that nothing in life is perfect, and nothing in life springs eternal happiness, i keep pushing myself to finding the answer to life that will bring it to me. why can't i do something about this endless struggle?

i'm 18 now, and i'm still at square one. what am i supposed to do? i just don't even know what do anymore, because its seems i've tried absolutely everything. i want my life to be worth something, but i just can't find out how.

is this just another stage that i have to live through, or is this an illness that i don't know?

Okay, here's my thinking. You can't think about life, you have to live it and that is how you figure it out. That is why everyone my age says we wish we could go back to being 18 but only if we could know what we know now.

Your life is not wasted, you are just on a journey and part of your journey are these questions.

I firmly believe there is no perfection and we have to find perfect happiness in imperfection. For instance, the home you live in right now....walk through it and point out to yourself every flaw from cracks in the wall to windows that let the hot/cold air in from the outside. Now imagine that you were one of the Katrina victims and were living in an auditorium with hundreds of other people, sleeping on cots or on the floor for weeks or months and someone just gave you this house...Would you even see those flaws you saw before? Or would that house seem perfect to you?

Everything is all a matter of how you look at it.

You say you want to be perfect? But if at 18 you are perfect already, then what are you going to do with the other 80 years of your life? Won't that be boring? Where's the growth in that? Besides, the human condition is imperfection. That is where humor comes from.

Eternal happiness is for the eternity part of our lives which is not now. Now we have education, careers, love, spouses, friends, children, homes, travel (this is a really good one for a searcher like you), art, sports, music and in experiencing these things you will find just a quick glimpse of that eternal happiness you long for. The more of those you find, the more you will know what direction your life should take. So for now go find out what you like and forget what upsets you.

Try some volunteer work. Go to college (you sound smart enough). Meet some people. If you can afford it, do a semester abroad. Work during the summer. Go to concerts. Just have fun and postpone some worry for later when you are old and your body doesn't work so well.