I need help with...a cutting problem?!


Question:

I need help with...a cutting problem?

Um...I'm 14 and I'm emo i guess, and I've got a problem with cutting, the smallest thing happens and i want to go get my knife...I need like a help thing, to get over it, but I'm not gonna go anywhere or call anyone so it has to be online...Thanks if you can get me a real answer..and i do really want to stop becuz its messing things up with my friends and stuff...plus, it won't be good if my parents find out, they'll probably send me to an institution...


Answers:

Hi,

I have had a cutting problem when I was younger, and it showed itself even into my 30's, at a time when you are 'supposed to be beyond that'.

I am now 54 and no longer have a cutting problem, but the scars on my wrists and arms and elsewhere on by body witness to my history.

What I have figured out was that whenever I reached for the knife, I was trying to escape from emotions that I could not figure out, could not escape, could not share.

Also, my cutting was related to not being able to connect with others, feeling isolated, feeling sad, feeling angry - and not being able to deal with any of these emotions.

As I look back now, I realized that most of the time, I was caught between hurting someone else as an expression of my anger and hurting myself. Expressing anger was not something that was OK in my mind, or in the mind of others (friends, family), so I would end the emotional pain by inflicting physical damage on myself.

There is an interesting thing that happens when you cut yourself: all of a sudden, the outside concerns go away. As you watch yourself bleed, there is no room for worry about how others feel, about self judgment, or any of that.

Watching the skin damage and the blood flowing provides a focus on 'here and now'.

The sad thing about that is that it also leaves permanent scars, and it does nothing to improve communication or relations with others.

So, we (you) need to find another solution.

First off, don't fight your feelings. Find a way to express them. Don't rely on others to understand or accept them. Chances are, they are unwilling or unable to do so.

I have spent years finding ways to get that emotional anger energy out of my body. One of the things I did was collect chipped china that other people were getting rid of. Whenever I found myself intensely feeling 'whatever', I would grab a plate or cup at a time and smash it into a wall, with as much force as I could. I would do that until I felt calm. Then, I would get a dust pan and brush and sweep up all the debris.
Another thing I did was to yell out loud when I was alone, like driving down the road in my car or out walking where nobody could hear me. I would let off, not caring about my language, not trying to be nice at all.
After a while, I would feel a little exhausted, but better.
There were other ways, too, but this would take too long to put here. Ask me, if you want to - feel free to write email to me through my website.
Once I had released the intense emotions, I could THEN ask myself these questions:
1. What exactly 'set me off' in this situation?
2. How can I prevent this from affecting me again?

It sounds to me like you are dealing with a load of emotional energy all by yourself. Recognize the fact that emotional energy IS energy, and it can be used in positive ways.

Also understand that not all people have emotions that are that intense, and therefore others can sometimes not understand what you are going through. This is not because they don't love you or care about you. It is because they just don't know.

You are not alone feeling this way. I have felt this way long before 'being EMO' ever became a popular way 'to be'.

The idea, however, is NOT to label yourself and become a victim, but rather learn how to harness and control your emotional power so that you can benefit from it rather than suffering from it.

Feel free to write to me if you would like. Use the contact link on my website (source).

Roselle




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