What is going on?!

What is going on?

i have always been attracted to guys...butterflies in the stomach...all my high school crushes. I am also engaged to the love of my life! But recently i have been having these thoughts in my head about being a lesbian. About kissing a girl and living with one. Its bothersome...i get anxious and start hyperventilating and the thoughts get more invasive to the point where I think i might be a lesbian...i think girls are attractive but I have never and still am not attracted to girls. I think they are pretty or have a great body but it's more of a jealousy thing that i feel if anything....what do you think this means. i cant take these thoughts, do you think i might be? have i been lying to myself all along? ugh! see these are the thoughts i have...i dunno what to do. I love to kiss my fiance and be with him and hold him...I feel so safe and protected. what is going on with me????

Sexuality isn't black and white for everybody - most people exist in the grey areas. Just because you're having these thoughts doesn't make you a lesbian, although it does sound as if you have some curiosity. You haven't been lying to yourself - there is a possibility that, faced with your upcoming marriage, you are starting to panic a bit, thinking of all the things you've never done, and now will never get to do. You sound as if the idea of acting on these thoughts freaks you out. I would suggest you come to terms with these thoughts before you get married. You are no more entitled to tell your husband several years down the road that you just feel the need to be with a woman than he's entitled to tell you he feels the need to be with ANOTHER woman. You owe it to yourself and to your fiance to work through this - with professional help, if necessary - before you marry. And don't panic, sweetie. Curiosity is normal, and so is 'cold feet.' I'm sure you'll be fine.