I need to vent. Will any one listen?!

I need to vent. Will any one listen?

OK, I can't sleep(again), I feel like if I eat I'll through-up. One minut I'll be happy, then I'll be about to cry. I'm afrade of, I dont know what.

My sotial life has gone to heck. I usualy have done a lot in the summer, this year I haven't even had a friend over or seen a movie.

My mood will jump to extreams. I'll be happy, then I'll just want to get away from everything to cry. I'm good at hiding it. People see me as going from happy to indifferent.

I don't cut, and I'm not suisidal. I play with my hair instaid.

No one knows yet. I haven't had the nerve.

1 week ago
Anything I can do?

1 week ago
Oh, I'm 13

1 week ago
I am NOT on drugs! I just don't like my current life, that's all.

I've been going thru the same thing for years now. The doc's put me on anti-depressants for over a year and nothing. I know for myself I have a lot of issues with close family members that are verbally abusive. I now have taken action. I tell them if they can't be up beat then don't talk or come around me. It sure is nice to have close friends that see from the outside looking in can see that I'm not crazy or it's not in my imagination. In all of us we have different personalities as we mature. Ages 0-12 is the wounded child, they hold all the hurt that we felt during those years, inflicted by words or actions from our immediate family. This child is in presence at all times, they are the one that cries. Ages 13-20 is the rebelious teen-ager, this one acts out anywhere , anytime. This one most people live in on a daily basis, ready to attack anyone in authority or anyone telling them what to do. Ages 21+ up are the adults. The ones who function in the world. All of these personalities live in us, and at any time depending on the circumstance, will roar up it's head and you will realize depending on which personality is in charge at the time. Maybe this is pretty deep, but that's how we are made up. So, to make this a little easier to comprehend, when your crying and feel sad that's the wounded child appearing. Obviously, we have unresolved issues from our childhood that weren't healed. EX: When you were young some one or many made you feel you weren't smart enough, too fat, ugly, stupid, etc. These remarks came from mom, dad, sisters, brothers (immed. family). So, we internalize these feeling and we begin to believe them. As we grow, whenever a person calls you these names or does certain actions we are drawn back to these feeling of hurt and we cry just like a baby cries. Teen-agers rebel, do drugs, have no respect for anyone in authority because their own personal experience with it has been damaging them, turning these teens to do the opposite of what their told. The Adult, which should be in control at all times, often gets feelings hurt and will allow the child (crying) or the teen-ager (rebellious) to come to the surface. I'll give you another example from my life. My mother was one of the abusers, she would not say she was sorry for anything, but she knew I liked peanut butter & jelly and that was her way of saying she was sorry. At the age of 42 my husband & I had an arguement ( he never says he's sorry) and he made a sandwich and handed me half. All I could do was cry and walked away. I had a light bulb moment that he did the say as my mom. That little girl inside was hurt , yet again, because the same feelings came up again and those issues were never dealt with.
I seem to have run on too much, but I hope you get some help to clear away some of the hurt. It might be a healing process for you if you comfront these people and tell them how you feel. That way you can change the recording in your head to a better recording. I am worthy, I am not stupid, ugly, fat, etc. Keep reaffirming your new recording when doubt rushes in. Remember, when you were brought into this world you were a bright, shining crystal, no flaws, perfect and after that our immed. family changes this by words or actions . They throw remarks that seem to cover our crystal and begins to hide our true self's. We must clear all the layers off (like an onion) to reach our true self. I hope that this makes some sense to you. You didn't mention how old you are but if your a teen you should start to uncover your crystal , it's in there. Always remember that GOD DOESN'T MAKE JUNK!! Keep your head up and remember this journey will take a lot of hard work and determination.