Do you ever find yourself looking for pills or something to make you feel bette!

Do you ever find yourself looking for pills or something to make you feel better and handle life as you shoul

Yes, I am an alcoholic with 7 years of sobriety now. Several years ago, I would have sucked the chrome off a trailer hitch to change my affect, to be more comfortable and accepting of who I am. Handling life on life's terms can be difficult at times for anyone - but its especially difficult for someone who considers him/herself to be self-reliant and unable to ask for help when needed. even though the anxiety and fear being felt were all consuming. I thought I had to know all the answers and when I didn't, i was so scared and filled with anxiety hoping that no one would figure out that my outward confidence was a shell filled wih fear. When I felt that way -which was all the time - I resorted to alcohol/drugs to calm the fear and anxiety - to feel OK. Acohol/drugs are incredibly seductive and addicting both physically and emotionally because thay enstill a false sense of serenity and peace that feels so warm and inviting.........for awhile. The ultimate paradox is that the more I/we use alcohol/drugs the less effective they become as both our tolerance and anxiety grow. Pretty soon - as was the case with me - I couldn't function without alcohol/drugs in my system. I was a wreck physically - being an addict is a disease of incredible emotional lability that ultimately leads to one end - a feeling of incomprehensible demoralization - an overpowering feeling of hopelessness that often seems unsolvable except by death. Nothing can feel worse than waking in the morning knowing you won't make it more than an hour without the first 8 vicodin of the day or a 6-pack or (fill in the blank).

I ultimately found that the only way I could handle life was to quit using and start facing life - take the good with the bad - and accept both with equal grace, be responsible for my actions and let go of trying to control outcomes - having to do with people, places and things. Accept what you cannot change and change what you can and try to know the difference. If you don;t know what that means and you're curious, go to an AA meeting- if you're not an addict , it will be entertaining and educational - if you are an addict, it will be entertaining and educational and it might save your life. It saved my life.

Sorry, for the soap box if you feel like you need to take a drug, including alcohol, to cope with life, you may have a problem - I don't know one way or the other - only you know the answer - even if you lie to yourself on a daily basis, you still know the answer. Good Luck


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