An I depressed?!

An I depressed?

well I have been feeling awful the past 2 years my bf killed himself a later September of 05 and I was very very upset I went through the whole cutting and anorexia/bulimia it was bad.....well on march 9th (I went to an my chemical romance concert) it changed my life I took a straight edge vowe and I quit cutting and all my scares are gone however lately I have been wanting to cut really badly and my lungs feel like they are gona stop working and my heart feels so heavy and my head sometimes feels like its gona explode and it just started happening when I met this guy. and he shot me down to make the story short and I think about him all night I cannot sleep unless I listen to my chemical romance....can anyone help me why do I feel like this

Sweetheart, whatever you are feeling, know this one very important thing: You are a very valuable, lovable, unique individual. You will get through this and some day you will feel well and whole and happy and you will feel at peace.

Now, first things first, you went through some very traumatic experiences and this probably has set you into a pattern of severe situational depression along with anxiety. What you are feeling is perfectly normal for someone who has gone through tough times. It is essential that you understand that you are not alone and there are a lot of people who go through the same things and come out just fine.

I would recommend that you seek help as far as emotional support from someone close to you, parents, siblings, friends, a minister or health care provider whom you can trust. See your doctor for a checkup and let him or her know how you are feeling. It may be that he or she can temporarily put you on a mild dose of medication that will help you feel better while you work on your situation and find some peace.

Also, your listening to My Chemical Romance is what is known as an "outlet." Most people find ways to channel their energy, whether it be negative or positive, into outlets, hobbies, things that may make them feel better or soothe them. Sometimes music serves as a healthy escape. Perhaps listening to that music gives you a focus for even a short time, some continuity, something constant. Perhaps you could use that as the beginnings of a healthy hobby, in other words, listening to lots of different types of music. You could experiment with music and see what kinds you like to listen to when you are in different moods. This is called music therapy.

Other people use art therapy, such as hands-on pottery with clay or fingerpainting, anything where you are using your hands and different art media to express your feelings and get them out. Perhaps simple gardening with container plants would be something you could do and enjoy. Do it on the cheap, containers made out of yogurt cups, dirt from the woods, and little plants (avoid the poison ivy!) found like ivy that you could plant in containers and keep in your room, a little water, and little sunlight, and voila! Having something to take care of and be responsible for might help you heal a bit.

You have a lot of feelings inside you, including anger, hurt, pain, bitterness, loss, loneliness, but there is the potential for you to feel other emotions as well, including happiness, peace, joy, solace, connectedness, friendship, passion. Find ways to help yourself. You are worth it! And, don't let anyone shoot you down. You have a right to feel your feelings; they are YOUR feelings and they are natural!

The boy that shot you down was just not in the works for you. He may be a very nice guy, but he is not worth it for you to hurt over him. You never know what he may be going through in his life to make him act the way he did.

Besides, you do not want to be with someone who does not appreciate you. Once you get to feeling better, you will realize how wonderful you are, and how the "right" guy will appreciate your special qualities, and you'll have so much fun together! But, for now, don't even worry about a relationship with a guy. Focus on caring for yourself and helping yourself heal and feel better.

Make sure you get plenty of rest, but don't let yourself over-sleep; that is a sign of depression, getting way, way too much sleep, where you have no energy and just can't get out of bed. It can become a vicious cycle, because if you spend too much time lying around, your body can become deconditioned. Some light exercise each day, walks, swimming, biking, anything where you are moving, can help you feel better and is a good stress release.

Try to focus on good nutrition, eating healthy for energy and helping your body cope with stress. Avoid using any kind of drugs, including caffeine and alcohol or nicotine. Those just hinder your body's and your mind's abilities and mechanisms to heal and cope. You want to give yourself all the tools necessary to feel better.

Try to get out of the house and do some things for other people or for animals. You would be shocked at how good it would make you feel to do even some minor volunteer work, such as helping to serve meals at the soup kitchen, or to pet and hold kittens at the animal shelter. (The animals need that socialization to help them be good pets for adoption.) Somewhere out there, someone else needs you. Feeling needed is such a terrific natural medicine!

Talk to people you know about things and about life and about their ideas, but don't let anyone get you down. At least for now, avoid negative people and negative situations; think about it this way, if you had a broken leg, you would be doing specific things to treat your leg to help it heal. You want to do things to help your soul heal so you can live your best life.

It may not seem possible right now, but some day you are going to feel so well and you will look back on these days and think, gosh, I had a rough time, but today, I feel fantastic! My father, who was a very wise man, taught me that no matter how bad a situation is, you can find something good from it. Your current rough situation can teach you that some day, when you feel well, you will appreciate it more because you have seen what it is like to go through a very bad time. You will have more empathy for other people who are going through depressed times, and you may be able to help them with ideas for getting better. It may even be something that you could consider as a career, helping others.

Take care of yourself and no matter what, do not be hard on yourself. You deserve the best!

Big hugs, and, I hope you feel better soon.

(By the way, I love My Chemical Romance and I'm a 47-year-old Mom of three grown daughters, married for almost 27 years next week. I love all kinds of music. Music is a big part of the reason why God gave us ears!)

Mary