What in the hell is wrong with me? I keep having issues with anxiety and parano!

What in the hell is wrong with me? I keep having issues with anxiety and paranoia...?

I am taking lexapro (http://www.lexapro.com/default.aspx?wt.s...
Its takes care of my depression and panic attacks. Or it was supposed to.It seems as though I become more paranoid when I am not in the near company of my father or my boyfriend.
Why is this? I become overwhelmed by horrific thoughts and terrified feelings when I am not around them-meds or not and I can't shake it. My father is in Iraq,boyfriend lives 30 minutes away and has work,and my mom works as well 3 nights a week.I can't really spend time with my boyfriend those nights because I babysit my 5 year old brother,who means the world to me. Its a great life. Its whenever I'm without Dad and Tyler I feel like something terrible is going to happen. I can't help but get so nervous and the next day I am suprised at how irrational I was.The walls were gonna cave in,my brothers going to grow up and kill himself,my boyfriend is going to leave me,my dads gonna die

2 weeks ago
Why do I feel this way. I also keep thinking I'm going to die..... I don't want to.
But sometimes.....I really do.
I used to be suicidal. I really don't want those feelings to come back....

2 weeks ago
My eyes are so swollen because I basically cried myself to sleep quite a few times last night hyperventilating every few hours....

2 weeks ago
I've tried therapy...it just annoyed me because I feel as though they don't get it.
"Its ok to have those feelings sometimes dear. Its ok."
"So what do I do?"
"Nothing."
"Um....excuse me?"

I went through a similar experience last year when my husband left me. I was taken to the emergency room twice for having panic attacks and then I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of the hospital for two weeks after having an episode of psychosis. I was very resistant to medication and counseling at first, but realized that they were necessary in order for me to feel better. I was put on three medications: Zanex for anxiety, Effexor for depression, and Zyprexa as a mood stableizer. The meds didn't work right away, it takes a good couple months for them to effect your system entirely. In the meantime I started counseling with a professional who taught me meditation and relaxation exercises to combat the anxiety and depression. I saw gradual improvement and I can now say a year and a half later I am no longer in counseling, and I no longer take Zanex. I am almost never anxious and am not depressed and have a healthy outlook on life and the future. I still take the Zyprexa and the Effexor, but I am fine with that, as long I as feel happy. So my advice to you is to get a referral to see a Psychiatrist and have him/her recommend a good Psychologist for counseling/therapy. (the difference is that Psychiatrists can prescribe medicine) Good luck, I'll be praying for you.