I don't understand whats going on with me can you help?!

I don't understand whats going on with me can you help?

ok so my parents are divorced, I'm handicapped, have acne, and I got turned on to metal music after being rejected by this girl I really liked. So I get depressed because of all the S*** listed above. I listen to music to try and get rid of depression but it sometimes makes me more depressed or pissed off and I wind up punching something. Why is this? I mean I listen to metal music to calm myself and sometimes it works but other times it works me up into a rage to where I start punching stuff and screaming and afterwords I feel better. I don't know why this is and it doesn't seem normal. What can I do? Please don't say go see a shrink cause I tried that and she didn't help me at all.

2 weeks ago
A quick fyi:
1. I'm 18
2. Heavy metal is my favorite type of music
3. I'm Handicapped...it affected my balence so sports are out of the question.

2 weeks ago
*Update*

For those asking what my handicap is I have cerebral palsy but it just affected my balence and the lower part of my body as far as my legs go.

2 weeks ago
**Also**

I've been keeping a journal.

2 weeks ago
***AND***

As far as the shrink goes...she sucked. I need someone to talk to not just listen to my problems but talk with me about them...seemed like whenever I went I had to pull info out of her in order to help myself. Bottom line she should quit.

Let me start off by saying that I am sorry to hear about the difficult things you have been going through. That much bad stuff happening at once is a lot for anyone, even half of that is a lot!

Perhaps other people will disagree but it seems to me that you are handling this all pretty well. I don't think that it is bad or wrong to feel strong emotions or even hit inanimate objects, yell, or listen to any kind of music that is helping you. As Lenny said, you should never harm yourself or someone else. But if you are alone or with a safe person who can support you (yes, like a therapist), this can be very helpful in releasing very powerful emotions.

As for those who say that you need to give up the heavy metal, I do not agree. Heavy metal is not "causing" these behaviors or even necessarily eliciting them. You are drawn to that type of music because you are already experiencing those emotions and perhaps are not in touch with them enough on your own so you are using the music to help you. It is the same way that people can be drawn to sad songs when they are already experiencing sadness: the music can help the person to connect to the emotions that they are feeling.

That said, I do not think you should only listen to heavy metal. I recommend finding other types of music you like in addition to the heavy metal and/or setting aside some artists or albums as "happy" instead of "angry." The reason I recommend this is that you may begin to associate your music with the emotions over time and so the same way that people have songs that remind them of past loves or a special event, etc, your music may begin to remind you of your anger and this tough time in your life and at that point could be counterproductive and alter a positive mood you are in.

Now I want to address the therapist issue. I am sorry you had a bad experience with your previous therapist. I have been there (several times) and can sympathize. That said, I have also been fortunate enough to find several excellent therapists who I have had a wonderful connection with and who have helped me immensely. In fact, long after being done seeing them, I still recall things that they have said to me and those memories help me, even now. I know that you are struggling right now and while you will choose to do whatever you want, I cannot recommend highly enough that you reconsider therapy. It is perfectly acceptable to shop around until you find a good fit. And don't assume price or level of experience/training is necessarily indicative of a better therapist. The key is to find someone who is a good fit for you. Therapy is not a "one size fits all" experience.

I hope this helps and I wish you lots of luck!