Why do i feel like my lifes being conspired against and feel certain people are !

Why do i feel like my lifes being conspired against and feel certain people are preventing me from doing and?

achieving the things i want in life? im 30, have borderline personality disorder, ive suffered pain and trauma half my life. but i have some clear goals i would like to achieve with my life, ive never achieved or fullfilled anything in life including a girlfriend, never worked, never gained any qualifications, never made any friends, and i would like to achieve all these and more, my big ambition is to eventually emigrate from the uk, to somewhere distant, and find a loving girlfriend that looks similar to beth ditto (the rock chick)..but all i here from people all the time that surround me is....
you cant do this.....and...you cant do that....and you ' cant' runaway from things...and you cant this, this this, and that....~well im tired of it! are these people trying to control my life? what i can do? where i can go? what girlfriend i can have?.............thats all i here, cant cant cant and cant...i feel sometimes i could dedicate my energy to battering their skulls in with my fists

2 weeks ago
can anyone understand my frustration about this? ive missed out so much in life and just want to achieve happiness and fullfillment....i do wanna move far away from britain. but it feels like certain people are controling me

I wonder if perhaps you've surrounded yourself with people who are used to controlling you. I have made that mistake. I had inadvertently got into the habbit of consistently asking these friends and contacts for advice over the years, and they've inadvertently become "my caretakers". The root of the problem was my own laziness, unwillingness and devotion to taking responsibility for and charge of my own life and choices. I think your anger is more than valid, because this is just not a healthy approach to life is it? We forfeit our independence if we are letting ourselves be lead around by other people. In a nutshell, I'm cheering you on, those are your goals and it's all up to you to make it happen.

Know your boundaries and respect yourself enough to voice them to others especially when they are about to cross those boundaries. There is a book entitled, "Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life", I recommend it. The inability to recognize and assert personal boundaries is a trait of codependence.

Do the research, know exactly why you intend to do those things, then build a detailed plan, and then jump on them one by one. You can see that there's a lot of work involved, but it's essentially building a relationship with yourself. It will also do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence. In my case, once I've "won" and accomplished even just one of these goals that friends were telling me I couldn't do, I'd make a point to rub-it-in so they would know how little weight their "advice" really carries. Chances are, they are just as lazy and neglectful of their own lives. I think most of the planet's population is, but very few of us (you and I for starters) have had enough and are ready for more.

I am learning to forget about what my friends are telling me, and intentionally challenging their advice and thoughts. It's amazing how our outlook on life affects the actualization of our lives. If I believe that I deserve a beautiful (in many ways) girlfriend, then I will find one. If I believe I don't deserve one, I won't find one. My inner world creates my outer world, and so the battle is entirely in my own head.

If I believe I will find what I want overseas in another country, I will find it. Do I know what I am looking for overseas? yes I do, because I did some research and discovered that there are compatible and attractive employment opportunities there, and I really want to immerse myself in the culture and community, grow from it, and share my background with those people as well. I know what activities and hobbies and lifestyle are attractive to me, because I've spent a great deal of time and effort stepping out of my comfort zone to explore various things, tasting different things, and I've discovered what I really enjoy (Surfing, snowboarding, hiking, cycling, dragonboat paddling, lakes, swing dancing). I am also looking for a woman who enjoys these things and wants to have fun with me. She has a formidable laugh and a smile from ear to ear, she has a goofy down-to-earth sense of humor. I know exactly what I am looking for in a girlfriend. I deserve her, and she deserves me, and eventually we will find each other not because we need each other, but because we "want" each other and have so much love and life to give and to share.

So if you want a girl like Beth Ditto (the rock chick), then go get her! find out why you want a girl like that, discover what it is inside yourself that is about YOU that seems to jive with Beth Ditto. Then pursue this thing that is about YOU and you'll find your Beth Ditto by accident.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” - Albert Einstein

If I start disciplining my thoughts and attitudes to align with positive outcomes and successful thinking, on a daily basis (and this is no light task, it takes work, ongoing mental battles), it will rub off on me and the people around me, and that's when things are gonna go places for me.

Your inner world creates your outer world, start with your imagination. Everything that you are, and hope to become, begins and ends in your heart and soul. You simply must take responsibility and charge of your life and do so with relentless devotion. Commit to yourself to it, remind yourself daily, it's an ongoing mental battle, so work hard at it and then sieze your goals!

Being a codependent myself having certain childhood abandonment and chemical abuse issues with parents, I have had a long life of grief, especially with female relationships. I've had a couple girlfriends, but never "hit it off" in the sense that we became "the best of friends". More often than not, my codependent behaviour and response in dating has scared them off after the first date. Needless to say, I am encouraged to see that there are other men like me in the same position and whom are also willing and ready to take charge of their lives and change things.

The problem with us is that we are addicted to seeking external validation. We are looking to other people and things to validate our lives. This just never works, the past ten years of my life haven't done anything for me in that regard, so enough is enough of that behaviour. We need to train ourselves to be validated from within. I remind myself daily daily daily that everything I am, hope to become, hope to have begins and ends inside my heart and soul. Once realizing this, I recognize that I have been lazy, complacent, and passive in my life. I begin to feel remorse and then realize I am responsible for these failings. The good news is that since I am responsible, I am then capable of turning it around, because it is, and always was, up to me. Now I am making a daily effort to rebuild my life and become a real man, someone who people love to be around because he is actively interested in his own life and wants to share his experiences with those around him. I am excited because for the first time in my life I am realizing full autonomy, that finally everything I want (happiness, success, joy, love, ...) are all within my ability to attain, and most importantly, I do not need a girlfriend to have these things, but I would love to share these things with her. So the attitude is completely different! Here's my plan of action:
- Mental Checklist: ensure that I am devoted to my goals, not being distracted by time-wasting things, not self-defeating, always optimistic
- Practice: Making a bold effort to go outside of my comfort zone, if necessary, try new activities alone in order to expand my social circle.
- Research: (links below), books, etc. challenge and cross-reference things, make sure I agree or disagree with things and then dig deeper if I'm not satisfied.
- Plan: We all know plans change, but I need to write down specific steps so that I am moving and not standing still. If I set goals and have no baby-steps set-out to get there, then it will never happen and I will be stuck. I must devise a plan for my goals, then devote myself to it unflinchingly. Even if I think my plan must change, I will still do the work to adjust my plan and devote myself again.

Anyways, I hope that light has been shed on the problem. As I've said, having pointlessly put myself through so many years of suffering by refusing to take command of my own life, I believe it is so important for me to share my experience with other guys going through the same things. Sure, it's later in life that we are finally putting an end to the same repeating pattern of a dead-end existence, but there's almost nothing that we could do sooner in our lives. We just weren't ready to accept the wisdom, but now that we are moving ahead with momentum there are great things in store for us with sweet rewards (some sweeter than others).