Bipolar intense depression, can't stop crying, not only do I feel all alone?!

Bipolar intense depression, can't stop crying, not only do I feel all alone?

I am all alone on yet another holiday, it's raining, dark, people are outside enjoying the holiday, fireworks going (I'm terrified of the booms now since last weeks drama...

What I really just want to do is...
cry till I can't cry any more but the just cry more and more...
I want my jammies on, I want to lay down and not nap(did that 3 x today already) lay on the couch, crawl under the quilt and put it over my head and sleep. I just want to sleep everything away ( I know I can't, but the desire is very strong). when it's time, I'll take my meds, maybe a sleeper to make me sleep and I just don't know.

I am tired of the battles to be stable, tired of the battles to be happy. Tired of how trouble always seems to find me even though I make it a point to stay away from anything that I think will trigger a cycle.

I'm close to giving up.

Yes, I see psych, PCP, therapist. Yes, I am medicated for my Bipolar.

Just need support I guess. I just want happiness
Kindness only pls

2 weeks ago
Hi Mely, I appreciate your answer but I have a history of suicidal tendencies and I know if I take you advice of just forgetting about my meds, I will become suicidal and well, don't want to go there. I believe strongly in God, but my feelings are what they are. God is w/ me I know He is. This has nothing to do with my belief in God, it has to do with me, right here, right now, needing support so I don't do stupid things. See God is working, I am aware of what can happen and I am trying to prevent them from happening.

Hey Girlfriend ! 1st - ur not alone ... u have Me. (and many many ppl who admire, respect n need u as well.) U have the 'tools' - the understanding n the awareness 2 cope with what u r feeling. I Know it is difficult n fustrating. We r so much alike. Happiness is what I always pray 4 myself. Just remember God will not let u fall. U have come so far, n conquered so much. Im always here if u need me. =)
Love ya
J