I hate the holidays.?!

I hate the holidays.?

God, I hate myself and my life. Everyone is out blasting their stupid hip hop and letting off fireworks. And so it's just me, my dog, and my half eaten pizza that I'm suddenly not very hungry for anymore.

I'm tired of my medicine, and my mom's cancer, and I'm tired of the fourth of july.

I need to do something so I can stop thinking. What do you suggest? Just sitting here on the computer and listening to music really doesn't help and it's dark outside.

2 weeks ago
I just finished a book. I don't feel like reading another. And I've tried sleeping, but I sleep too much already.

2 weeks ago
I see a therapist.

2 weeks ago
I'm only fifteen and I don't work. And I don't feel like doing anything, but I know need to do something, that's the thing.

My friend... An idea...

Draw. Create. Perform. Don't think and do something where your imagination and innate creativity can run wild! Something to release your emotions and display them in another form to the world.

Life is a painting we create. With everyday a new stroke of a brush to create something too look back on in the end. Life is full of bright colors and more dreary ones. Cancer is never a fun thing, but perhaps she has bright colors of memories to outshine the dreary and the dark. Light can always find its way into the darkest of places.


So when you're in a dreary mood of a holiday or a time when others celebrate, remember that most people have no clue as to why they're celebrating. (This is quite comical) So find happiness in a memory or in anything, even if the occassion does not relate to you. I know you've been happy in your life. Find that and let it brighten your solitude!

Remember... The glass is not half empty... Its three quarters full! (I wish I knew what that meant :D) If but all you can do is manage a smile, let it be a smilethat grows into something magnificent. Then your Pizza with toasted crust and steaming delicious creamy tomato sauce and melted gooey aromatic cheese will once again bring a watering sensation to your palate! Your dog's tail will wag with the entusiasm of a thousand happy companions!

Live your life in this moment! Stop being dreary and live for the air you breath! Live and love and be happy. You got this.

(P.s. Thanks for making me now crave pizza... Grrr!)