Do I care anymore?!
Question:
Do I care anymore?
This honestly is really confusing me.
I've been sort of regretting some things that happened with some people, but I sort of stopped caring, gave up on trying to fix things, and didn't care at all, I sort of developed this cynical apatheitc personality,
Then I had surgery and I had a lot of drugs in my system and was in a lot of pain for a few days, the day after I suddenly had these feelings like I was going to apologize to everyone and was going to be a better person and be cheerful to everyone
When I got home I was still in a lot of pain for a few days and got really depressed and started like dwelling on all this, regretting it, I might have thought about killing myself a few times, that went on for a few days, and then when the pain went down and a lot of the drugs got of my system and I started getting more like my old self, cynical and apathetic and quiet, and I have no desire to see any of them again, I don't care about any of them anymore.
What's going on?
Answers:
Short answer: You do care.
In my opinion, you were probably being more honest about the situation when you were drugged. Your "higher thinking" wasn't really in tact, so you were more in touch with your heart's real desire. You probably want to get the situation resolved--that is your true desire. But now that you're feeling better, you're thinking with all your defenses up, or maybe you're trying to reason your true desire away. I think you should try to resolve things. Unresolved things are always bad. If something was on your mind while you were in pain, and you wanted it resolved, that's the real, uninhibited YOU. Listen to yourself, and take steps to fix things. After that, if it doesn't work, then adopt a more who gives a crap sort of attitude.
HOWEVER, if this thing is making you depressed, and now you're feeling better/aka not worried, STICK WITH THAT. If you're feeling depressed enough to even think about suicide, please talk to someone. Really. Please. **hugs**