I feel like I'm unable to make friends...?!

I feel like I'm unable to make friends...?

Sorry if I ramble, but I feel awful and I really need some advice. I'm 19 and as years pass and as I get older, I feel more useless and unwanted by anyone. Good friends are far and few, and ever since I began college I've made absolutely none. It's funny, because in high school I was extremely outgoing and was actually very popular amongst my peers. Now, I've lost communication with all of my friends except for one, and we don’t even talk that much. I have this other friend who attends a different college and we’ve hung out sparsely, like going to the movies, mall, etc, but I feel like even she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.

I live at home, which I believe is frowned upon for someone my age to be doing. The only job I have is a meager part-time position at my church’s production studio: it’s not as fun as it sounds, believe me. I really want to go out and apply for a real job, but every time I think of doing so, I get anxious and discard the whole idea.

2 weeks ago
I’ve taken up a summer course at my college and recently, that’s all I’ve been busy with. When I’m through there, I come home and either sleep or get on the computer. Am I lazy? I don’t think so, because if I had a friend to come and ask me to go out, I’d drop all of this in a heartbeat, but I simply can’t make any friends because I’m way too anxious. I’ve tried anti-depressants such as Prozac and Xanax in the past, but it honestly didn’t work for me. I was able to convince my parents otherwise though (having them believe everything was okay and that the pills were working) and I really don’t want to go back on the anti-depressants because that would mean telling my parents that my anxiety has resurfaced. I just want all of my anxiety, stress, and bad thoughts about my parents dying to just go away. I don’t talk to anyone during the day besides my parents, which I know is extremely sad, but I’m just unable to make any friends it seems. Any advice?

2 weeks ago
I think I feel as though someone should approach me instead of vice-versa. If that occurred then I’d be able to make things work, otherwise, I just can’t bring myself to meeting new people.

It can be really difficult at your age to know how to approach making friends. This is normal and it is just part of being new to the adult world. High school is a highly social experience and the demands of the daily routine sort of do the work for you.
The fact that you are in school and you are working a part time job are both very positive things that it dioesn't seem that you are giving yourself credit for. Also, in this situation, I think it is very sensible, even smart that you are living with your parents.
When you first get out there in the world it can be very daunting. You feel a little useless because you are still busy learning how to get it all done.
Have you thought of seeking out a mentor at your school or church? This is someone with some experience in the world who can help you think about how you want yo move into the adult world. It doesn't come together for anyone over night, and we live in times when everything is "supposed" to happen in a milli-second. Realistically it all takes much more time and patience than that.
Everything you are feeling is normal and it WILL pass.

In the meantime, one real good way to meet people and get your needs for human companionship met is to find out what is going on in your town. Where I live, the newspaper carries a section that has listings of events through the week and on the weekends. This is everything from African drumming circles to chinese tea tastings and poetry readings in the local coffe houses.
I find these kinds of events to be very open and they attract alot of people that want to talk to other people and hear what others have to say. It is an environment that is relaxed as well. There is no pressure to do anything besides observe if that is all you feel comfortable doing. Particularly at the open-mike type poetry and music events, you might find that you can really relate to what is being expressed. This is also an environment where you can be more passive and there is a higher likelihood that someone will try to start a conversation with you, if you are not feeling confident about starting something yourself. The most important thing is that you enjoy the activity that you choose. Don't worry so much about the people or making friends. Just try to get into whatever is going on and enjoy being out of the house and seeing new things.
And remember, unless you are feeling like hurting or killing yourself) these feelings are the normal feelings of lonliness and fear that come with facing the world on your own. You will grow out of these slowly but surely. Happiness and experience don't just come to you-you look for them until you find them. I wish you good luck and good times!