Further to yesterday's question...need more please!?!


Question:

Further to yesterday's question...need more please!?

Hey so yesterday I think u can see it in my profile, I asked about my gf who cuts (and its not bcoz she's depressed or anything and all that she just likes it). i asked again and she said she used to use it to cope when she was younger, like 15, but her rents found out, she saw someone, and stopped bcoz she didnt want to piss of her parents. since then she might have had a bit of trauma which i dont know about, but shes started cutting sometimes again bcoz she says she likes it....


Answers:

If you really want to understand what is driving this behavior, you need to ask her more specifically how it helps her cope. What exactly does it do for her? When she tells you that she likes it, she isn't saying that it feels good, but rather that she likes how it makes her stop feeling bad. Feeling good is not the same thing as relief from feeling bad. Ask her to explain to you what she is feeling when she gets the urge to cut and how does cutting alter what she was feeling, but my guess is that it helps numb her from some unpleasant emotional experience or that it serves to somehow express what she is feeling and cannot communicate otherwise.
My previous answer still stands-it is an unhealthy way of coping with uncomfortable feelings and she can find healthier alternatives if she chooses to. All you can do is express how it affects you and that you want her to be healthy. Also, bear in mind how this will effect your capacity for truly intimate communication in your relationship. If something is bothering her, she is more likely to cut herself in order to alter her feelings than she is to discuss the issue with you and you seem concerned enough to really want to be closwer to her. Let her know that as well.




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