Ok... i can already tell high school is going to suck.?!

Ok... i can already tell high school is going to suck.?

if you have read any of my previous questions, i am going to the catholic high school. if you haven't: i have been verbally bullied since the sixth grade and have been looking forward to high school as an escape from the bullying. then my mom made me go to the catholic school where my bullies are going, and, due to the bullying, most of the girls think im gay. i keep having this eerily realistic picture in my head of me sitting in the tv room playing PS2 on prom night while everyone everyone else is out with their gf. every time i think about high school i end up with tears streaming down my face while i punch the wall and yell at a seemingly nonexistant God, the air, my bullies, or my parents. my mom walked in while i was doing this once and asked what was wrong, and we had just talked about me not going to the catholic high school that day. she told her that it would be alright. and i believed her until i lay down in bed and remembered that that was what they had said about grade

2 weeks ago
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school, and junior high. i wonder to myself how long can i go on with this. my soul feels dead. (and at 14 it is not good to be this depressed and burnt out) i talk to myself at night. i verbalize what different parts of me feel. part of me is the optimistic sunshine vomiting part that says that high school will be different. another part of me says to get expelled from the catholic school (i usually ignore that part) and then there is what most of me feels- sadness and a depression so complex, no one i know will ever come close to understanding it. i do not think of killing myself or bringing a gun to school. but i sometimes i fear that i will snap. even high tension wire will eventually snap at some point. and if i snap i will either embarass myself or i will break someone's nose. i'm not a violent person, but a rabbit will fight if cornered. i normally try to be optimistic, but even the happy sunshine part of me sees no light at the end of the tunnel. i am afraid. help.

I've been where you are before. I was bullied and teased in school so badly that I just shut down at one point and my father withdrew me from High School. Let me share with you something that I wish others could have shared with me, but either couldn't or wouldn't.

First of all, it is not fair nor right to be bullied. I would yell, scream, and complain to anyone in authority who is responsible. In some states, bullying is a crime, and should be reported. Secondly, you are going to have to learn to be your own best friend. I would suggest that, rather than make a list of the best things about you, that you make a list of qualities that you want to find in others, and then create those qualities in yourself one at a time. Are you science minded (as I am)? Then study and write papers and be the best scientist that you can be. Learn to love yourself and be your own hero. Much of this I learned in therapy with a qualified psychologist, and I am more than willing to share these things with you from one human being to another. My e-mail and IM address is on my profile page. Write me and I will be more than willing to be your friend. I'm 42 years of age and am old enough to be your father and am willing to be your friend. I've been exactly where you are and would be willing to help you to be your own hero. Good luck and e-mail or IM me.