Depression?!

Depression?

I kno that i have depression it runs in my fam and i think it might be bi-polar disorder.

some days im really fine and suicide is the last thing on my mind but other days (it comes really quick and out of nowhere) i feel horrible and just want to die bc theres no point to life at all.

i kno that i should get help but the thing is that i actually dont want to get better. i hope that i get so bad one day that i just get it over with and also i dont want to take meds for it.

i have no $$ to go to a psychiatrist or get treated and my mom dsnt care she told me its normal and that i'll get over it. this is nuts bc now i'm just giving up. idc about school or my future nemore and i just don't want to try nemore. plz sumone help idk what to do.

2 weeks ago
oh and by the way i dont wnt to offend but i dont believe in god and im not spiritual.
i was thinking about talkin to my councelor but hes an *** seriously he really dsnt like me and he dsnt deal with these kind of situations.

Is there anything happening to you that is making you depressed? I don't know how helpful this will be, but here's what happened and what I did.

First, I lost my father at the age of 7. He was bipolar and an alcoholic. My mother decided to leave him one day and he tried killing our entire family. My sister fought with me to get me out of the house, but I wanted to stay, even though I know he was trying to kill me. He eventually killed himself or was killed by my uncle for what he tried to do. When he died, my life was over. I became very mean and hated everyone. My mother wasn't taking care of me properly and she began dating perverted and drug abusing men, who she allowed to mistreat me. Five years later, I decided to change my relationship with my mom. I wanted to spend time with her one day and she agreed. This was a big deal becaue we never spent time together. When her bf came home, he ruined everything. My mother told me I couldn't go with her b/c her bf didn't want me to go. She and I got into an argument and she hit me. I smacked her in her face, told her I hated her, and told her I wished she was dead. I got my wish about 2 hrs later. She passed out and died of a heart attack at the store. At twelve years old, I was without parents.

My disfunctional family fought about who was going to take us. The aunt without children and a house "won" two young and emotional messed up girls. Things didn't click and I ended up moving at least 12 times in two yrs. I ended up moving with a cousin who was 41 and he raped and beat me for two years! I was only 14 at the time and I felt like I was soooooo alone in this world and had no one to turn to for love and help. Yes, I tried to kill myself, a few tmes, and thank God it didn't happen.

I never went to a professional to get assistance with my depressioin. I went to church and read the bible. At that age, I was barely able to understand what it was saying, but some things I was able to get. I also wrote a lot. The more you write, the more you let 'it' out.

Despite what you may see from hypocrites who ruin things for people who are really seeking God, prayer works! Having a relationship with God makes it possible to get through the difficult times in your life, even the inherited disorders.

I seriously can relate to your issue. There have been many times when I didn't want to get better and did things to put myself in danger without really doing anything. For example, I have a sleep disorder now after being hit by a drunk driver at 95 mph. I have to take medication to stay awake, especially when driving. Before I went to the doc, I was taking no doz. I purposefully avoided taking the pills sometimes because I just didn't want to fight to live anymore. I also developed acid reflux really badly and not eating made it better. I got to the point where I wouldn't eat or drink all day and couldn't make myself, no matter how hard I tried.

I didn't care about my future either at one point. Honey, please stay in school and make the best of your life, even if you don't see it getting any better now. Your situation will only get worse if you quit and become dependent on others. A successful life will make you able to change your current situation.

Please don't give up!!! THere were so many times I felt like that. I actually thought that God put me on this earth just to suffer. I know believe that everything we go through is for a reason.

Even if you're not going through anything that's that bad, being bipolar will make it seem that way. If you don't want to go on meds, please remember to pray and work on your relationship with God. Also, this might sound weird, but eat properly and eat your protein. Diet has a lot to do with depression as well.

I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive. You need someone that will take care of you, and I know first hand that God can and will take her place. Many people go through depression like symptoms and they are passed off as being normal, but it's not if it lasts for two weeks or longer and reoccurs.

The world needs you and don't forget that. Suicide is a very selfish action and if you believe in what the bible says, you'll go to hell if you do it. Even if you don't believe that, wouldn't you want to be safe....just in case.

Please try praying to God and writing you feelings down on paper. God loves you and will heal all wounds.

I'll be praying for you :)