What is wrong with me?!

What is wrong with me?

Over the past few months I have noticed a huge change in myself.

I have huge mood swings, where I am happy one minute and then the smallest thing will make me furious.

When I am angry or upset I do self destructive things like cutting, smoking, taking heeps of pills or drinking in a desperate attempt to hurt myself.

I can't relax if there are things that I haven't done and I have to do things in a certain way.

My friends and parents expect me to excel in everything I do, and the constant pressure to do well has left me at breaking point.

I want to tell people how I'm feeling but I cant stand to disapoint my parents or friends. Everyone tends to see me as the strong one, who they can tell their problems to. No one has any idea about what I'm doing to myself.

The worst thing is that I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling any more. It's like a constant game of tug and war, and it's drving me crazy! I'm not suicidal, but I don't know how much longer until I snap..

Have you just started birth control? That can F up your mood dramatically! But the part about disapointing your parents is more in your head than the truth. Letting them know how you feel is probably the best thing because they care for you! In yur ind you have images of them being throughly dispaointed in you if you do not live up to their expectations, however they just push you to motivate you, if you tell them what bothers you they will probably admit that they never knew how their push pressured you. However, realize that their pressure is only to make you the best you can be. Learn to respect that let it help yu, not control youand consume you! Their your parents

You should definitly open up to someone. Because the more you hold stuff in the more it wil bother you really badly and will get twisted in your head.

Open up, share, you don't have to be strong at every moment. Even the strongest need friends and support.

I am very similar to you! But I realized that worrying and being concerned about how other preceieved me made me so nervous so I have let down my wall and let others help me and support me while maintaining my independence.

At one point I was so terrified of disapointing my parent that I would lie and tell the I felt great and everything was well with schoola d my gymnastics career, however, I was actully hurting inside because gynastics was mentally and physically burning my out, I had few friends at school and i felt like in my gymnastics I was not accomlishing my nessessary goals. But I neglected to tell my parents my feeling because they would see that I actualy had weakness and wanted to be a quitter. However, they did not see the situation t all that way when I opened up. They saw it as "As one door closes another one opens." So it was not hat i had thought they would react. It was okay.

Let your gaurd downand open up to someone you trust. You wil be glade you did.