Why do I care so much what other people will think about me?!

Why do I care so much what other people will think about me?

I'm 20, and I have no real friends, and have only been on one date. I always worry what people, especially my family, will think of me so I end up not doing things like going anywhere. Like when I was talking to that girl I went out with, I never talked on the phone where they could hear me because I was worried about being made fun of. I IM with a few people, mostly girls, who live elsewhere (Not in Hawaii where I am) and if I hear someone coming up the stairs, I shut IM down (and no, I'm not doing anything dirty, just chatting). Same with this yahoo answers, I'll minimize the window if someone comes by because I'm afraid to be embarrased. I've tried not to care what people think, but I think I have to do something more than "just do it" because that doesn't work.

I want to be a normal guy, how?

You said that when you were dating that one girl, you never talked on the phone with her because you were afraid your family would make fun of you. When you were younger and growing up, did your family make fun of you on a regular basis? When we are children, our home & family are the world; so, what we learn there we take to the outside world. And if our first "world" was filled with negative experiences, we grow up believing the real world is the same way.

You are obviously very afraid of getting close to anyone - no real friends and only one date. Something and/or someone got you to this point, and you are unable to change it on your own, at this point. I think it might help you a lot if you could go to therapy, at least for a short time. You need to figure out why you have this all-consuming fear of being made fun of, especially by your family.

Eventually, you will move out of your family's home and into your own.To do this, you will need to develop a strong sense of who you are and be content with who you are, so that if someone makes fun of you, it won't bother you. Or if it does bother you, you'll be able to stand up for yourself and tell them to stop. You are not a little kid any more, and no one has the right to treat you badly, even family; and making fun of someone is a form of emotional abuse. One of the problems you will have if you were raised in that kind of environment is that you won't be able to tell the difference between good-natured teasing (which is fun) and someone truly making fun of you (which is mean).

You should spend some time alone with a notebook and do some thinking. Make a list of your good qualities (we all have some). Then make a list of what you think are your negative qualities (we all have those too). Then, with the second list, think about what you wrote and separate the things you know could use improvement from the negative things other people say you have - there is a big difference. Just because others tell us something is wrong with us doesn't make it true, even if it is family (they can be wrong too).

When you have your 2 lists, keep the list of good points where you can look at it when you need to. On the other list of things you truly feel could be better, try to work on improving yourself (one thing at a time). This is your project - the point of it is to stop worrying about what others think of you. It is to help you to use your own intelligence and ability to think and to get you in the habit of making your own decisions about what you are all about, good and bad. When you come to know yourself (without other's opinions) you will find you no longer are concerned with what other people say or think.

This won't happen overnight. It will take work, and it will require your taking small steps such as not shutting down IM when you hear someone coming. You need to stop thinking of yourself as a 20 year old kid and start thinking of yourself as a 20 year old man.

As I said earlier, I think you could get a lot of help and support from therapy. You seem to be seriously caught up in this fear. If that is not at all possible, then try some of the techniques I mentioned. You can do it. Good luck.