Attachment problems?!
Question:
Attachment problems?
Hi,
I feel i have some real attachment issues. i see a counsellor, my doctor for depression amongst other issues. But i feel i have real problems making sensible bonds with people, not just intimate relationships .
I am not sure if its related to being hurt by people i trusted in the past...but i fear getting attached to people, yet if someone shows me kindness, just listens to me or tries to be understanding, i get very attached and think they care for me, when REALLY they don't e.g in the case of the doctor/counsellor, it's just their profession, they don't really care and then when i realise this, i get really hurt and feel rejected.
I keep beating myself up about this because i hate the fact i do it and keep feeling so hurt and alone...anyone any advice or experienced this? i have briefly discussed it with my counsellor but always feel i sound so pathetic & usually it ends up making people back away more, as they dont want me to be attached to them.its an evil circle!!
x
Answers:
Hiya
You kinda remind me of me a few years ago. Firstly I think you have excellent self-awareness. Take no notice of the guy telling you to stop thinking... self-reflection is a great way to improve your life. And it's great that you are talking to other people about your thoughts and feelings. I can't tell you what your problem is here but I can tell you that when I was like this it was due to my having extremely low self-esteem, not that I had full awareness of this at the time! I found it difficult to trust people because I had been hurt in the past too. But also... I found myself 'attaching' to people that could not engage in relationships with me, such as counsellors etc. I now realise that this was all because I didn't think I was worthy of good relationships, so I was drawn to people who would ultimately reject me anyway as part of the professional relationship!! It all served to prove to me that I was unlovable! About a year and a half ago I started to 'trust' people... or to act as if i trusted them anyway!! I started to build relationships, some very superficial, especially at first, and now have very good relationships with two of these people. I still didn't like myself very much at the start but I have learned alot about myself the last couple of years. I'm not such a bad person, I do deserve to have good relationships. Now i believe this i'm much more open, and a dam good friend too.