Building self esteem?!

Building self esteem?

Well I have went through a horrible depression due to delivering a stillborn baby in June of 2005. It seems that I have been stuck in a horrible rut ever since. I have develped so many different anxiety disorders. It has just been a struggle. Lately I am feeling more positive about what I gained from this whole experience and am making some serious progress, but though all of this I have lost myself. I hate looking in the mirror, I just am trying to find ways to help me to start feeling better about my self so my progress can continue to improve. any advice is appreciated. Thanks

Before you can begin to "build self esteem", one must learn who and what one truly is. This does not mean that you must make a list as most of what most persons would list would not be who they are but rather what they do.
Who you are is not your name, you race, your sex, your employment. It is not your body, nor your material wealth. It is not where you came from or where you think you are going. It is who you are. Asking yourself who you really are is a good place to start.
I would personally recommned that you begin to first, quite the internal dialoge that serves only to distract one from who one is and where one is. One usually starts this process by learning to breathe and by becoming aware of one's breath. Should a thought arise during your following your breath, simply recognize it as a thought and release it, let it go and begin to follow your breath again. This is the beginning of meditation.
Next, begin to realize that you are choosing the view you have of yourself, whether you are doing it consciously or unconsiously. Do not contiue to dwell on the what you see as the negative aspects of yourself. Dwelling on them will only make them appear worse (like watering weeds in a garden). Your positive veiws of yourself are just as illusioury however, and lead you to be just as misguided. Realize that you simply "are", being neither good nor bad. No thing is either good or bad. Those ideas represent the view point we choose. Everything simply "is". You will be learning to see what is without judging.
Then begin to realize that all sentient beings are just like you. In fact, all of creation is just like you. Everything is made of the same second generation star material and that all things are in a constant state of change. No thing has permanence.
This may lead to a sense of compassion for all others and all other things. As you feel compassion for them, you will be feeling compassion for yourself.
I would recommend virtually any book by Thich Nhat Hanh, Chogyam Trungpa, D. J. Suzuki or His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Buddhism, which is a way of life and not a religion so that it can be practiced by anyone of any faith without conflict or person of no faith, teaches one to see what is as opposed to seeing what one wants to see. It can be very life changing and beneficial. One does not need to build a shrine, or pray to a statue (common misconceptoins about Buddhism). Although it can help to have a meditation instructor, one can begin all by ones self.
Another thing that might help you is to begin regular exercise from lifting weights, to walking, jogging, cycling, dancing, swimming, martial arts, etc. Combined with proper nutrition and meditation, exercise can be very helpful in many ways.
However, for the moment, simply "breathe", begin to relax and just "be".
May it all be well with you my friend.