I despise my step-sister?!

I despise my step-sister?

i have a step-sister. we are only 3 months apart in age. in short, i really despise her. she is the most jealous, hateful, conniving, spoiled brat that i have ever met. and i am one that usually gives people the benefit of the doubt...i rarely ever have hated anyone in my life. i can't stand her, and the worst part is that i have to live with her. what can i do to deal? is there anything i can do help her to be less...like herself?

Kelly.

There's a book (I know, I know) called PRIDE And SHAME or the other way around, SHAME and PRIDE by Nathanson.

It's sort of a very well written psychiatry book about affects.

Affects are biological responses to a stimulus.

So, I go BOO!
You get scared. Your heart rate goes up. Your breathing increases. Your blood pressure goes up. The hair on your neck goes up (little ones in the back of the neck), your pupils dilate.
This is a response to fear and you are getting ready to fight or flee.

The interesting thing about this book, is that of all the affects, two, shame and pride....modulate the others.

For instance...your stepsister comes in and says X YOU!

You get mad, you yell back, you do whatever it is you do.

Same scenario, but this time, before she says X YOU, you find out that you just won the lottery, got asked to the prom by the coolest guy who you've had a secret crush on forever.

She says X, you say , OH X YOU TOO, LET"S GO GET A MILKSHAKE or whatever you do when you are happy and nice and cool.

The difference in your response is modulated by your level of pride in yourself, for whatever reason.

If there is something about you that she would like to be...pretty, smart, good in school, nice boyfriend, popular with whoever, rich, have a good summer job,...whatever, she'll say or do things that will make you down, which (like the teeter totter in the park) will in turn make her be up, or proud. You can't let that happen. You can't be pushed down so she can be pushed up.

And MOST of the time, since most of us are pretty much the same, communication about parents, that parent, that other sibling or friend or? leads each of you to form an opinion in ignorance of the others real problem(s)(loneliness, being shy and you're not or vice-versa, all those things.)

And it's everywhere this stuff. It's in MOST families.

In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding (not sure if that's the name),

the main character goes to the school where the other main character teaches, pulls him out of class and says to him she wants to elope. Not go through with the whole big wedding with all the family and all the stuff, and all the STUFF!
He says, we're not going to run from your family or mine. You have a weird or strange family? WHO DOESN'T?

and that's the point.

It's not worth the energy to hate. That take a LOT of work. A lot of energy away from YOU and your life.

Try the book. You'll learn more about yourself than her. You'll learn there's no one else on earth like you. You're the only one. What's not to be proud about that?