How would you advise about an eight year old boy whose mother is dying of cancer!
Question:
How would you advise about an eight year old boy whose mother is dying of cancer?
He is a temporary 'guest' in my home of above average intelligence, Talented/Gifted but recently dropped the TaG program for regular classes when his mom went into chemo. Before she was diagnosed, she yelled at him incessantly about everything and that really rattled him. His father is not in the picture. I rented 'Bridge to Teribithia' to open discussion about death and dying with him but he showed no emotion at all and did not initiate any disscussion. I do not want to push the issue with him. I am wide open to suggestions.
Answers:
Based on what you aid about his previous relationship with his Mom, I am guessing that he is wary of adults and may be reluctant to share his feelings with you or to bond with you, particularly if he is also aware that his placement with you is temporary. You sound like an extremely compassionate and creative person to have tried so subtly to encourage him to open up, so don't take his lack of response personally. Right now he is protecting himself by not sharing the pain and ambivalent feelings he's experiencing as he probably mistrusts the response (based on past experience with Mom)and he may be fearful of closeness with another adult. Whether he opens up to you depends upon the degree of emotional neglect he suffered in his family of origin and the time permanency of his placement with you. He's already been abandoned twice, in effect, by adults who are supposed to love and nurture him, so distrust is pretty much a reasonable coping method for him right now and understandable.
What may help him is opportunity to talk with other kids if there are other children in your home or if there is a group he can engage in with peers-perhaps there may be a local agency that deals with death & dying in your area that offers support groups for kids in his age range. Kids who've been let down by adults are more likely to trust peers than another adult, regardless of how caring or deserving of trust the new adult is.
Kudos to you for opening your home and your heart to a child so in need of compassion and concern!